the brilliant dance

38 degrees, and i'm darker

2012-03-19T01:14:00.002+08:00

Back from the island trip with the boyfriend, and I am darker ): I HATE THIS. I spent three weeks last time waiting for the stupid sunburn to fade, please don't let this drag on for three weeks. Ugh.

Anyway, pictures will be up tomorrow (or whenever I can manage them because I have a load of homework and washing to do) and I still have classes tomorrow. Why is this world not fair? I finish at 4 though, a plus. Thank God for a short day.

Btw, 38 degrees refers to my temperature on Thursday, when I went to see the doctor. Yes, I actually do have a reason to skip classes on Friday, and yes, I have an MC for the records. Meh. Beat that.

I'm still staring at my hands because the colour is depressing me so much. Now I can't buy any make-up products for at least a month until my normal colouring comes back =.=

Apart from pictures (less of my DSLR and more of my iPhone, because its more convenient) the boyfriend also filmed a few vlog entries. Not that I vlog at all, but he thought it'd be cute. And I have to say, it's not bad.

ANYWAY. My bed is calling, even though my hair is still super damp. Good night.

corine

new look

2012-03-14T22:21:00.000+08:00

I felt inspired to change the layout of my blog today. The last time I changed my layout was in 2010, and then I got really lazy. 2010 was the year where I blogged insanely. Almost every single day, if I recall correctly.

I'm not a 100% pleased with this new layout. Colour-wise, it's acceptable, I guess. Made for easy reading for you guys. But the layout were annoying to work with. Notice that I've had to cut down my wishlist and create an entirely new page for it, just because the layout can't fit it (or maybe it's because I just want too many things)

The pros? I like how you can scroll down and the navigation tools don't scroll. And the font is pleasing to my eyes. The pictures don't automatically resize themselves (what a total nightmare if they did) and I managed to flex my very rusty photoshop skills. I whipped up a few icons and the small banner, just because it seemed like fun.

The cons? The colours. And the maximum length of the navigation area. But otherwise, I'll live.

You may be wondering why I haven't blogged about KI. About being in KTT. Well, apart from the fact that my life is now a living hell of learning Hindi, Tamil and Kannada (why am I still studying after A Levels?) and that I'm currently a little sick, I haven't had the time or energy to even think about blogging.

I've taken a bunch of pictures, and I do mean to post them up. Soon. When I'm not swamped with my homework =.=

This is a short update, but oh well. I haven't got anything particularly inspiring or witty to write for the moment.

Corine

Happy Birthday Xiu Jing!

2012-03-10T21:05:00.001+08:00

Been busy the whole day ): I intended to post this when I get back to the hotel but I'm afraid that I'll get back too late. As in, even later than 12. Then it won't be your birthday anymore ):

Anyway. Happy birthday other twin. It's been almost two years since we first met, almost a year since we last met. I miss you. I'm so glad we managed to convince you to get twitter cause if we didn't, I really would not be able to keep in touch with you. Your constant tweets makes me feel you're not so far away from us.

You probably don't know it, but your love for reading books has influenced me a lot this year. Or at least, it's made me want to read more. Your blog posts are thoughtful little bites that makes me want up continue writing. And most of all. You still care enough to tweet to me and read my blog.

God bless you. Have a wonderful birthday (:

Corine

11th

2012-03-02T00:47:00.001+08:00

I feel like all the words in the world will still not be able to do justice to him.

My best quality is my writing, but I feel like whatever I post up today will not be able to match up to what he has done for me. Ever.

To the guy who first stole my heart on the very first day of orientation by just being his arrogant self.
To the guy who ran back to his apartment to get me tissues when I started crying, even though we were just friends.
To the guy who told me he "couldn't sleep all night, worrying" because I texted him and told him I was sick.
To the guy who started drinking Starbucks for me, even though he hates dairy products.
To the guy who ran back to buy me a Christmas gift when the bus he was boarding was about to set off.
To the guy who tells my housemates to take care of me whenever I get sick.
To the guy who made my first date the most memorable date ever.
To the guy who ditched his friends to stay with me and watch my tv shows when I was sick.
To the guy who sang my favourite Korean songs because I made him.
To the guy who started appreciating cardigans, because of me.
To the guy who went make-up shopping to get me my ideal palette.
To the guy who started blogging, just for me.
To the guy who flew to Sabah to celebrate my birthday.
To the guy who has seen me at my absolute worse, and still calls me beautiful.
To the guy who puts up with my mood swings and tries to make me laugh all the time.
To the guy who has more faith in me than I do.
To the guy who taught me that long distance relationships do work out.

I love you (: Happy 11th month.

I feel like he's getting better with words. Hmph.

corine

variety shows and tv dramas

2012-02-29T20:23:00.002+08:00

I am a hopeless romantic. Not so much of the flowers and chocolate gifts, but more of those moments where you go aww and just melt. So when I need a sugar rush, I watch back We Got Married because it's so sweet. Fixes me up at once.

But I've just spent the last two days swooning over a Taiwan drama because a) the lead actor is hot and b) because it's so mushy and sweet that I am in danger of getting diabetes.

Believe me, if any form of real life drama was available, I'd turn to it. But there is none, not at the moment. Though when I get back to KTT, I'll probably be more than entertained by the juniors (:

Anyway. My point being. Yes, I suppose in that sense, I am a true girl. I love romantic comedies and I love sad love stories that makes me want to tear my hair out in frustration when the heroin is depicted as some goddess and then makes me cry buckets of tears. Come this March, there will be a lot more interesting movie choices and I can't wait.

I guess what I really mean to say is. Until I can spend time with you again, I suppose I'll have to make do with my tv dramas and variety shows (:

corine

love letters

2012-02-24T21:56:00.000+08:00

I stumbled onto my mother's letter collection today.

Who knew that she was fond of receiving letters as well?

The brown enveloped was tattered and torn, its edges frayed. It was unnaturally thick, so I picked it up for further inspection. Out fell an array of letters, of different colours and thickness. Some were browned with age, some had been creased and crumpled. But they all had one thing in common - they looked to be older than myself.

I turned the strange bundle in my hands and saw my father's name.

After dinner, I asked my mother about it, and she seemed quite surprised that I had found them. We ended up sifting through the letters, and my mother grew increasingly silent as she delved into the letters, especially the ones from my dad.

I thought back to my bundle of letters, which consisted mostly of those from Landy and Tia. They were a great deal more varied, especially in colour and length. But I somehow wish I had letters with stamps as well. You know, the ones that get sent through the post. I think I have a few cards, courtesy of I-Vonne and a letter from Gwen. But no more.

My mother's pile had letters from Australia and Manila, apart from Malaysia. It brought out a lot of emotions as I thumbed through some of her less private letters. In a way, I understand how she might have felt when she received letters from her siblings as I too had that when I first went to KTT (I remember crying and wanting to go home because KTT seemed like hell then)

It felt funny reading the letters my dad sent my mum. I have mixed feelings about it. All I can say is, it sure doesn't sound like the ones my boyfriend sends me.

Double update today. Sorry :/

corine

a day of happenings

2012-02-24T20:15:00.001+08:00

Today has been, hands down, the most hectic day since I got back to Sabah.

My schedule was already quite packed to begin with. I had to go for a blood test at 7 in the morning (don't ask) and then rush off to my driving test at 7:30. Then I had to go complete the rest of my medical check-up as well as run errands.

Fought with Walrus last night incidentally. I know I shouldn't have raised my voice but being Walrus, he just brought out the worse in me. Which in turn, made me grumpy this morning. I woke up at 6 as requested and got ready with droopy eyes and a killer fever. Walrus woke up late and after pottering about with his hair products (he insists he can cure his receding hairline with all his hair products, hmph) we left to go get my blood taken.

Now, even with my mum being a doctor, I still am wary of needles. They don't really terrify me, but I still tense up whenever I need to come in contact with them. And on the whole, blood tests and myself don't really mesh well together.

The first one I took some five or six years ago was the worse. My mother was drawing the blood out and for the first 2 cm of the syringe she pulled up, all she drew up was air. Yes, air. I am not kidding. That's how little blood I have in my body. And when she did draw some blood up, the colour was light red. That is to say, it looked like dark pink. Which made my mum panic.

Needless to say, I found out I was anaemic then.

Since then, every time my mum "casually" suggested getting my blood getting checked, I feel scared.

Anyway. Today, when my uncle (yes, it seems like my entire family is in the medical field now) poked the needle in for the first time, he drew air. Again.

I sucked my breath in because it hurt. And then he said, "Oh dear, let me try another vein," ANOTHER VEIN. He replaced the needle with a new one and poked another hole in another vein which very luckily for me, actually had blood. Or it'd be a third hole.

Am pleased to report though that the blood was a deep, deep red this time.

Said goodbye to my uncle, and then I left for my driving test. Where I found out I was the 8th one being examined. This is when I discovered my phone was acting up. There was no signal for a whopping five hours. I tried rebooting, because that fixed the problem yesterday but no. Still nothing.

But I focused on the test. Am pleased to inform you guys that I am officially a legal driver now :D I managed everything fine, (well, except the three pointer maybe, I almost failed) and I will be getting my P license next week. WOOHOO.

So. On that good note, I came home. And after re-inserting my SIM card, I thought the problem was solved.

Think again.

After doing my Mantoux test (Two needles in one day) which stung like mad, I realized I could not call out or send any texts.

To be more precise. When I call people, they can receive it but I hear nothing.

I panicked. Googled the problem, as I did yesterday, and found out it's quite common and that Apple will get me a replacement phone. But I'm still worried.

And no, it is not a line problem with DiGi. All the signal bars were present, and I still couldn't call out. ARGH.

Frustrated. I mean, it's because when I get expensive things, I genuinely take care of them. I make sure they don't get spoilt. And especially things like my DSLR and my phone. I'm not some little rich girl who can afford to buy a new phone every day, so when my phone gets spoilt for no apparent reason and I didn't contribute to it, I get really upset. And now I can't contact le soulmate either, which really bugs me =.=

Apple, Y U NO FIX YOUR BUGS? =.=

corine

lazy little missy

2012-02-22T23:38:00.000+08:00

Just finished my testimonial. Yes, yes, I know I should have done it a week ago (like everybody else) but I was sort of dreading it. Just because I wasn't much of an achiever in high school. I didn't collect certificates like some of my friends (ehem, Gwen) and I never hankered for positions in any club or society. In fact, looking back now, my high school life consisted largely of the drama club and the school editorial board. Tres uncool.

Not at all like a scholar, I suppose. Ah well.

But I'm happy with the testimonial. It has no lies in it (I didn't want to praise myself, even though this is what we'll be using to apply for universities) and I wanted it to sound genuinely pleasant. I'm pleased with how I made myself sound like. Didn't deviate much from who I really am.

Also. Blessed Lent everyone (: Last year, I managed to abstain from swearing during Lent (thanks to the Mr Potato tin, my housemates and the boyfriend) and so this year. I decided that the thing I'll be trying to attempt is to control my temper. That is to say, my mood swings. I do get manic mood swings and then become extremely depressed or super angry. I take it out too often on people close to me, and I know it hurts our relationship. And so I will attempt to be more demure and calm.

Woke up at the crack of dawn to go to church. Was surprised at the number of people filling the cathedral though, it's a marked improvement from the previous years. My family had to sit at the back of the church as all the chairs were occupied. Last year, Kikir told me they had to sit in front because the church was so empty. Huge difference, my mum remarked.

I told her it was probably because it was 2012 and people were scared.

Mum laughed at that.

I convinced Walrus to drop by a Christian bookstore after our early breakfast because I wanted to buy my devotional material for Lent. I think he and mum were surprised at that (no one in this family does devotion regularly) and then they bought me a couple of books to read just because I was so interested.

Went to do my final two hours for my driving lessons. My test is on Friday and I'm nervous :/

Off to watch more videos now :P

As you can probably tell, I'm in an absurdly good mood

corine

queen of dreams

2012-02-20T00:17:00.001+08:00

It is your choice, he said. But I knew I had no choice. I had to break off all ties with my husband. And I had to find a way to get back to the caves.
Queen of Dreams, by Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni.

corine

little women

2012-02-18T00:55:00.000+08:00

With all the JPA paperwork to be done, I've found that going online only adds to my agitation and stress levels. So I've kind of stopped going online as much. The only thing I open faithfully each day is Skype; I avoid Facebook like its diseased and I only check Twitter to see what's going on with my friends.

What I have been doing is busying myself with books. Over the past three days, I've read quite a number of books ranging from poorly written romance novels, to books about teens growing up (how I used to dote on them), to heavy, hard-hitting Murakami, to nonsensical scribbles by various authors.

I find it hard to believe that I managed to desert my love for reading. I remember spending hours at any bookshop with my dad, begging him to buy me an armload of books which I would devour in a matter of days (or hours, depending on their thickness) I used to read at least two or three new books a week.

I want to blame A-Levels for breaking the habit of reading but deep down, I know it isn't true. I didn't study as hard as everyone else and went online a lot more than I should have. I could have easily read a book then. The truth is, I got lazy, plain and simple.

When I tried to get back into the habit, I found it quite hard initially. Maybe it's because I picked up harder books to begin with (Note: I will probably never read back Murakami's Hardboiled Wonderland, because it's unbelievably deep) but I think it was also due to the fact that my brain wasn't as used to processing words as it used to be.

It's gotten a lot easier now, and reading for too long doesn't give me raging headaches as it did a few weeks ago (maybe this is the post-effects of A-Levels)

Anyway, today I picked up a classic; Louisa May Alcott's Little Women, which in my opinion, stands the true test of time. Evergreen. I've read it since I was about 10, I think. Not too sure anymore, but I know I've thumbed through the pages so often that some passages are committed to memory entirely.

I used to identify the four March sisters with me and my own siblings. By default I would be Meg (though to this day, the only thing we would have in common is our love for shopping) and Tia would be Jo (sans the tomboy and I-don't-want-to-get-married part). But having grown up now, I find that I identify more with Laurie. Just because in the second book, he was a lazy, good for nothing spoilt kid and at times, I feel like I act like that too.

But no, the main reason I'm blogging about it is because I felt moved by the book today. It has been a while since any book moved me to tears, or has managed to draw me in so deeply that I am able to lose myself entirely. I felt like I was unable to unearth another piece of myself that I thought I'd lost forever. In fact, it was because I was reading today that I didn't bother going online until right now.

I almost feel like analysing the book. Like doing a detailed review or finishing an essay of sorts for it, the way I used to study Lit. But I feel like it'd kill my enthusiasm to read (I'm still too lazy to do any proper work) and so I decided to just continue reading for now. There are still stacks of new material to dive into, and stacks of older material to reread and rediscover.

What I am looking for though, is our copy of The Olive Readers. That was a fascinating book, all about reading being restricted so that only rich people could obtain knowledge. The best thing about the book was that it was the winning piece in a novel-writing competition. And it's no Jodi Picoult (who is terribly mainstream now) which I like even more.

Just by looking at the length of my post (which will probably put people off from reading) you can probably tell that I really do like English, as a whole. The language. It's beautiful, and I find it to be a powerful tool. A part of me still wants to truly study Literature and the arts. Another part knows it's not possible (at least not in the next ten years) and that the best I can do is to just plod on and continue reading.

If only things were different. But oh well.

corine

valentine's day

2012-02-14T19:58:00.004+08:00

And while couples all over the world are celebrating this nauseating day, I'm doing

THIS.

The preparation to go to India. Ugh. How annoying and tedious. PAPERWORK. Why can't the JPA officials just do all of the work? =.=

Three MPPs had to forward the email to me. I feel so honoured XD

The way I'm celebrating Valentine this year is almost similar to the way I celebrated it last year. Come to think of it, it's the same way I celebrate it every year. No complains there actually (:

However, I do want to take the time to thank my significant other for putting up with me over the last few months. I can honestly say, each day, I grow to love you more and more, and it still feels like we only just started going out a few weeks ago. There are times when you annoy me to death, but there have been more times when you make me feel like the luckiest girl on earth. I love you <3

He'll kill me for posting this up but oh well :P

And of course. Last, but definitely not least, I want to post this up for my soulmate. I will be joining you soon, and then we shall go shopping all the time (or at least, whenever I can make you skip classes) Don't miss me too much, we will still have forever together (assuming we carry on with our plan to live with each other) and we will grow old together, just like we wanted. I love you <3

corine

goodbye cat ):

2012-02-13T10:56:00.002+08:00

Even in my groggy state, I could not fail to miss that my soulmate would be leaving me.

As I watched her walk into the departure hall, I found myself struggling to hold back tears (I blame my mother for that) because I know it'll be another three weeks before I get to meet her again ):

The last three weeks since my birthday has been amazing with her around. At the very least, I'm not stuck in a house alone until the kids come back. At least there's someone to spazz about MBLAQ with. At least there's someone to accompany me out. At least there's someone to fall asleep in front of the tv with.

I don't even know why this time I miss her even more. And it's not even been half a day.

): Come home soon.

corine

a kid sleeping

2012-02-12T00:22:00.003+08:00

He's probably going to kill me for posting this up, but I can't resist. He looks like an innocent child when he's sleeping :P Not at all like the devil he becomes when he's wide awake.

corine

Forgive me Father, for I am about to sin

2012-02-10T18:14:00.001+08:00

I tried to blog because it used to make me feel better whenever I ranted.
But I couldn't bring myself to complete the post. Somewhere, somehow, I've become afraid of allowing my thoughts to become too public.
I can't believe I allowed myself to be robbed of even this small relief.

I have been praying about the same thing for a month now. And the longer I put it off, the harder it is to begin.

Let Your will be done. I give up trying to fight, and I surrender this to You.

the pause button

2012-02-07T22:13:00.002+08:00

Today I was browsing through the apps store when I came across Wattpad.

You may be familiar with it. If you're not, feel free to click here. The short version? It's a site where people write and share their works. Some have even got published apparently.

I like reading. And what's more, I like reading unpublished author's work. I like to think that they have something fresh and something new to bring to the table. And I like writing, a lot. I remember someone dissing me back in high school. I have no idea what we were talking about but she suddenly said, "And that's why I'm in Interact and you're in the school editorial board,"

I didn't even bother to retort because that was a stupid statement. Because unlike her (and the hundreds or so Convent girls that went to the Interact tryouts this year) I have no interest in being part of that society.

Anyway. I downloaded the app and browsed through the stories. And I felt a bit saddened after a while. There were so many stories with pitiful grammar, grammar worse than my boyfriend's (which is bad enough) and they were getting thousands of comments and likes and whatnot. It's a bit insulting to the English language.

And for the last time, why is it so hard to differentiate between YOUR and YOU'RE. Ugh, pisses me off all the time. Yes, I am a grammar freak, so sue me.

The point to this little rant is that. I felt sad because of myself. I know I could do a lot better than those girls, in fact, writing is the one thing I know for sure I'm good at. And I don't need a Facebook fanpage to tell me I'm a better author than those idiots.

But I do admire them for having enough courage to post it up online. And I admire their grit and tenacity in wanting to write. I feel like, for the longest time, I have lost the spirit of writing. Just because at the moment, it doesn't seem like an option in my future anymore.

corine

high school never ends

2012-02-03T23:34:00.001+08:00

In some ways, at least.

So today I managed to organize a meet-up with my high school friends, some of which I haven't met for two years. TWO YEARS. That's crazy, considering I used to see them almost every day when I was 17.

The group has shrunk considerably, though. Most of them are having classes now. One has moved to the States. Only 6 of us gathered round the table today. But it was still pretty good. A little awkward in the beginning, but then we got noisier as time passed by.

Seems as though no one has changed much. They sound the same, act the same. Look the same. Some things just don't change, I guess. Which is good (:

There are moments where I miss high school. The security of knowing what my future was. The way teachers spoon-fed you, instead of expect you to learn yourself. The friends I had, which had grown up with me. Growing up is a good thing, and not all change is bad, but I do wish I would stop growing up so fast. One minute we were 17, planning a reunion when we hit 21, and now I am 20. 21 is only a year away.

Huh.

Anyway. I have decided to begin a project called A Book A Day. I'm well aware of my deteriorating English which scares me, and so I've decided to read at least ONE book a day. Not an impossible feat if you have all the free time in the world (like me) I finished one today, a book by Cecelia Ahern. Not exactly the most complex book in the world, but I needed a light beginning.

Shall delve into more hard-hitting works soon (:

KI on 5th of March btw. I look forward to shopping :P

corine

leaving

2012-01-31T23:48:00.002+08:00

It all seems like a dream, even now. I feel like the past few days haven't been real at all. And now I've woken up, the magic seems to have lingered on, but it isn't as magical as it was before.

On the upside, we'll call each other a lot more. Have longer conversations. Probably squabble a lot more too. But it's okay, I guess. These things will help me to learn a lot more about him.

I woke up at eight this morning, as I have been doing faithfully for the last two days, called him and then got ready to go out. Mum greeted me with a skeptical look "Isn't he supposed to be leaving today?" and then sent me off. When I got into the car, it suddenly struck me - he would be gone.

In less than 6 hours, he would be going home.

I'm a pretty independent person (At least, I like to think so) but since getting a boyfriend, I find that I am becoming increasingly more dependent on him. There's just a sense of security, like there's someone there to fend off anything that might bother you. It's nice to think that someone is looking out for you. And I enjoy his company. Like I said, he's my best friend. I can tell him anything and everything.

I felt like I was unable to eat properly, or talk properly, but for his sake, I tried my best to be cheerful. I didn't want us to part on sad terms, I wanted him to go home smiling. We picked Tia up for our last lunch together, where they both successfully managed to entertain me with their constant bickering. Kids. And then, we were suddenly on the way to the airport.

The day before, he made me promise not to cry when he was leaving. And I promised him, just because.

But I couldn't keep to the promise once we got there. I could talk, and laugh, and even punch him for his nonsense. But when he threw his arms around me, for a final hug, I couldn't control myself. I felt angry when I felt my tears coming, and I turned away rapidly, to make sure he didn't see me.

Don't be sad, he told me. We'll be seeing each other in a month's time.

I didn't trust myself to speak. I manage a nod, and hugged him again.

Then he was lining up in the line, getting ready to go past the security gates. Tia and I watched as walked through the gates, and I couldn't help myself. I started crying (not sobbing, luckily) and when he turned to wave one last time, it was all I could do to stop myself from calling out to him, to stop him from entering the boarding area.

I saw his smile for the last time, and then he was gone.

Now there will be no breakfast with him, no long car rides. No one to bully, no one to mock. It all seemed to have gone by terribly fast, and now one more month honestly seems like a thousand more years to wait. I miss him already ): This will sound really cheesy and stupid, but my heart feels like it's literally breaking into two pieces. It feels heavy, and it's weighing down like it weighs a million kilos.

Thank you so so so much for the best birthday present ever. I love you.

corine

the boyfriend and my family

2012-01-30T23:54:00.001+08:00

When I was in high school, I remember being really impressed when someone brought their boyfriend home to meet their parents. I think it was mainly because everybody was so keen on keeping their relationship a secret that made it so. And so I grew up thinking, someday, when I get a boyfriend and we've settled into the relationship well, I will take him home and make sure my family loves him.

So I guess in a way, that was wish was fulfilled with him coming over.

I admire his courage. If I had to meet his parents, I would be petrified, to say the least. I wouldn't survive the ordeal.

He came inside my house after we hugged and waited patiently while I ran around trying to get ready before Walrus got back home. No such luck though, I had just pulled on a dress when I heard Walrus' voice downstairs. Which meant that he would have to deal with my parents WITHOUT me there.

If I were him, I would have died.

But he didn't. He stayed put, and from what I gather, answered the questions my straighter-than-straight parents threw calmly, and managed to survive lunch with them as well.

The idea of him trying to impress my parents is very pleasing.

But the best part of the day was when me and my sisters went off with him. We went to Yoyo, where he got acquainted with them, then we went to the beach where he played Frisbee with us. And then we had dinner and played pool.

These sound like mundane, typical things to do. But I loved that he managed to get along with all my sisters. I loved the way he was able to interact with them, and get them to be comfortable with him. It was a nice feeling (:

I won't blog about yesterday or today, but you can sure I'll blog about tomorrow :/ Anyway. Happy reading, and good night :D

corine

the birthday post

2012-01-30T00:42:00.001+08:00

First up. I must mention the wonderful people who pulled the surprise together.

Tia, for working out the details and making sure the plan would run smoothly.
FJ and Kikir, for... well, being there
The boy (fine, Mason) for.... being Mason.
Ma and Walrus, for being so courteous and normal so far.

And of course Mr Chia Yong Kuang (:

It was supposed to be a surprise, but it didn't really work out that way. But it was still, nevertheless, amazing.

I talked to the boyfriend for a short while on my birthday eve, and he was being really mean and cold. To be honest, I knew he might come but I kept thinking it was impossible. Because plane tickets aren't cheap. Getting a hotel is not cheap. Renting a car is not cheap. And on top of all that, meeting my parents is not easy.

What completely gave him away was when he Skyped with me. I immediately noticed he wasn't in his room. Yes, he was crazy enough to think that I wouldn't notice XD

After I hung up, we surprised Tia with her pressies (Head on over to her blog to see what we made for her) and I went to bed.

I slept soundly, and I woke up in a daze the next morning. Had breakfast, and then mum said we needed to go have lunch with an old friend. I agreed very half-heartedly because I kept thinking he wouldn't turn up after all. I mean, if he was planning to come, why was my mum dragging me to some lunch.

At about 10, I went up to get ready when the boyfriend started calling. I was with mum and the kids at that moment, but they were all looking expectantly at me, so I answered it in their presence. Mum looked excited and kept saying, "It's the alien, right?" Haih, Mum Y U SO OBVIOUS TOO?

Now I don't want to bore you so I'll fast-forward to the important part.

He said, "You know how much I love you, and that I'll do anything for you right?"

I paused, and I said "No,"

Then he said, "Cor, can you please come out of your house now?"

Even though I was expecting it, I could not help but find it sweet and moving. I was still surprised, technically, because all of a sudden, I didn't know how to react. My fingers started shaking, and my heart started racing. I managed to pull a comb through my hair (which didn't help) before I ran down the stairs and out of the door. I saw a car outside, the outline of a teddy bear in the front seat just visible. I saw him getting out of the car, his eyes finding my almost instantly. And then I was running, as fast as I could, in my pyjamas and throwing my arms around him.

He felt so real, I remember thinking. He was actually there, I could actually feel him, smell him, touch him. And even though I prepared myself for him coming, I was still surprised. He still managed to surprise me.

I love you.

The rest of the day was amazing and fun in itself, but it'll have to wait for another day. My bed is calling. GOOD NIGHT

corine

still so into you

2012-01-29T01:42:00.003+08:00

Okay, I know you want actual details (for once, my words might be more popular than my pictures) but I'm tired, and I need to sleep. So feast your eyes on the pictures, and be patient (:

As if coming to Sabah alone wasn't amazing enough, he bought me my first ever large stuffed toy.

As you can see, the head of the toy alone is bigger than my laptop screen.

After lunch today. I love you (:

In case you don't understand how awesome and amazing le boyfriend is, Mr Chia Yong Kuang came all the way to Sabah to surprise me for my 20th birthday (:

corine

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

2012-01-28T00:00:00.000+08:00

To the soulmate, who has never left my side.

Who has always been there for me.

Who has always supported me.

Who has always done the right thing for me.

I love you always, even though I may not show it all the time.

LET'S MAKE THE BEST OF OUR DAY :D

corine

results

2012-01-23T19:53:00.001+08:00

To those of you who read the previous post, I apologize for burning your eyes with my anger. Being a Christian, I should've thought better before posting up anything of the sort, as a certain penguin reminded me. Ephesians 4:29 (:

So. Let me begin by telling you how the day played out.

I was forced to wake up at the crack of dawn to go jogging. Yes, jogging. Courtesy of Tia and my enthusiastic parents. So I dragged myself out of bed, pulled on my trainers and slept all the way to the park. I walked three rounds. Yes, you read that right. This lazy bum walked three rounds, despite my parents' constant nagging to run. I perspired a little, which is enough for me.

Tia is convinced we should do this everyday. I am convinced I will be dead before this week ends :/

After the jogging, Walrus drove around town to try find an open newspaper shop. Half-way through, he realized he didn't bring any money so he drove back home just to get his wallet. Typical Walrus. The four of us sans the boy talked for a while, annoying mum, before we all fell asleep.

When we got home, I saw that the time was 8:30. And I purposely did not want to go look at the results, so I just slumped down on the couch and went to sleep. HOWEVER. A certain alien just had to bother me by calling me, over and over.

And when that didn't work, he started calling Tia =.=

So I called him back, checked my phone, saw the texts and miss calls, and decided to just check my results.

And yeah. It took me almost five minutes despite the server being free because I was so nervous I kept making typos.

When I did see my result, I wanted to kill myself. To say I was disappointed was an understatement. Because even though I hadn't put in as much effort as others had, I thought I knew myself and my own capacity quite well, and I thought I had managed to pull through. Clearly, pride comes before a fall though. I was very, very wrong. What else can I say, God is always just and fair. And He gave me the results I deserved.

To clear things up, yes I did make the cut-off point. But I didn't get what I aimed for.

I started calling for Tia as I rushed down the stairs. My mum and my sisters crowded around me. They looked at my results, exclaimed, and started talking. But it didn't take the disappointment away.

The boyfriend called. And then Ged called. By then, I felt quite pathetic and I wanted to crawl into a hole and just die. But I did what I should have done first of all.

I dutifully reported to curious people about my results, browsed through Facebook to see the results, and finally, called the boyfriend to cry some more.

Once I was a lot more calmer, I got ready to go out. Went to visit a friend, then we went out.

And now I'm home. I'm feeling a lot more calmer, and I have finally accepted my results. I praise God, over and over again, for His goodness and for His blessings. I really have to thank Him for everything, and I guess now I really do know what I have to do.

Eternally grateful,
Corine

tomorrow

2012-01-22T22:27:00.002+08:00

Less than 12 hours away from the results.

Am I scared? I don't know. I'm worried, yes, and anxious. But mostly, numb.

Whatever it is, I entrust everything to the Lord, and I'll stop worrying.

Who of you can add another hour to life by worrying?

Matthew 6:27

All the best for tomorrow.

corine

a long distance relationship

2012-01-18T20:08:00.001+08:00

When I watched this video, I couldn't help but wonder how they could do it. Barely two months apart, and I'm already dying. This is two YEARS.

The thing about being in a long distance relationship is, you really learn to trust your significant other. You don't have any other way around it, without trust, the relationship crumbles. There are ups and downs, and more often than not, you wonder (or at least I wonder) what you signed up for.

Being in a long distance relationship, whether its 5983 miles apart, or 1008 miles apart (the approximate distance of KK to KL) involves a lot of waiting and patience. It requires a lot of give and take. It needs you to make sacrifices every once in a while. And for an impatient person like me, all these things don't come easy.

People all over the world who are apart from their loved ones will say "Thank God for Skype," but I sometimes feel like it's just another thorn in my side. When we Skype, he seems to be only inches away, and yet every time I reach out, my hand hits my laptop screen. It frustrates me that all that seems to be separating us is a screen.

There are times where I have things to tell him, or things to show him, but I'll be unable to reach him. Even technology can only help so much. You can have a laptop, and it'd still be useless if the person you want to talk to isn't online. Or you can have a phone, but it's pointless trying to call if the person's phone has run out of battery. Those kind of things.

Still. It hasn't been all bad things. There have been good times, and positive impacts on the relationship over all. Like I said, you learn to trust a lot. And I've exercised a lot more control over my temper over recent events. And you mature over time, as does the relationship. It's a lot less shallow, and a lot more serious.

Or, you know, as serious as a relationship can get, given that's it's less than a year old.

I believe I've said this before, but my boyfriend is also my best friend. And I feel it rings true to this day. Apart from my twin sister, he is the one person I can trust completely, and I always feel safe when I'm with him. I feel like he listens, and genuinely cares. Above all. I just think it's amazing that he can love me even with my flaws.

In watching the video, I could not help but smile at their obvious delight and joy in being able to spend time together. I really do like seeing other people who are in love. They become so absorbed in one another and it amazes me. Really, it does. I can stand PDA to a certain level, but if it's over the top, it's just disgusting.

The ending of the video struck a chord with me because I remember both times when he was sending me off at the airport. I could not stop crying, all the way into the plane. I don't know why, frankly (why do girls have to be so emotional? why do I have to be one of those who are super emotional? =.=) and even now, I think I must have looked like a crazy idiot while I was sitting down.

I really do miss my best friend ): At the end of the day, it just boils down to that.

corine

we get to check our results ourselves

2012-01-16T15:59:00.001+08:00

Can you say, freaked out?

KTT has finally got some sense kicked into it, but now it's making me even more nervous. Ohmygoddddddd.

I AM SCARED ASDFGHJKL

corine

working

2012-01-15T21:54:00.002+08:00

After more than a month of rotting away and not using my brain, it's quite nice to be able to settle down and get into a job that requires a lot of thinking.

Not that I particularly favour the job, but it's still quite nice.

I've got nothing much to say these days (surprise surprise!) mainly because I've just been staying in. I know, I know, I'm highly boring, but what can I say? I really do prefer staying in with a good book.

My blog must be getting quite dull :/

Results are due in 8 more days. 8 more days to what could be the best or worst birthday present ever. I'm nervous and scared, but I leave everything to God's hands. No point worrying now, I suppose.

I am missing this boy very badly ):

corine

quote

2012-01-11T11:27:00.001+08:00

Woke up this morning from a dream. Or nightmare, I guess. I'm not too sure what to call it. It's left me feeling drained and exhausted.

Who's to say that dreams and nightmares aren't as real as the here and now?
- John Lennon

corine

1st January 2012

2012-01-10T14:37:00.001+08:00

We went to the beach :D

It was one of the few times Walrus consented to bringing us out, and actually staying with us.

We left around 3 something, got caught in meaningless traffic (KK, y u so jammed now?) and came to the beach. Initially, we intended to go to The Star, but Walrus swung by Tanjung Aru instead.

I think the last time I came was in 2010, for some club gathering. And in the year or so that has gone by, I realized a lot of things has changed. Like for one, there were so many people there. A whole load of them. Tourists mostly. And locals. But they were crowding the place. Which is surprising.

We parked near a street vendor selling hot corn and peanuts. And Walrus immediately bought a bunch of them. I think he thinks we all eat like monsters (we do, technically, but still)

Anyway, we found two tables and nabbed them, with me and Kir being stuck with Walrus and the boy, mum, FJ and Tia at the other table. We ate, then Tia dragged the boy to go play frisbee while Kir and I went to get hotdogs. Yums. And then we lazed around, until 5-ish when I joined them for a round of frisbee.

Then we bought food, watched the sunset much to FJ's delight, and trooped home.

So ends a good day out. I'm convinced I got slightly sunburnt, but oh well. PICTURES :D

The view at around 4 PM. HOT.

Hiding from the heat.

Random shot. Looks pretty good.

One of the few shots with me inside. Because I'm normally behind the camera.

And I look like crap.

Frisbee.

Kir. Always a troll.

This was her idea. Lame XD

On the way to the hawker stalls, we saw a group of pilaks.

I was wondering what the whole thing was about.

Then I saw this. HMPH. B-Boy skills that are practically non-existent.

You hungry?

The sunset (:

Pretty. I prefer this lighting actually, but mum doesn't =.=

Mum suggested I take a picture with different settings, so I tried this out.

It's not bad. You see a whole lot of colours (:

Last shot of the day (:

Till my next update (:

corine

how we prepared for christmas

2012-01-06T13:04:00.003+08:00

By tradition, we decorate a Christmas tree every year for Christmas. Just because it's super fun (:

We've been using the same fake tree for years, but this year it died when my house got flooded. And so mum, being a typical Asian mum, decided to buy a real Christmas tree. She went on and on about how we would save cost and all this nonsense =.=

So we went to look at Christmas trees, and Kir had a lot to say. Which is no surprise, because the trees were all too thin. Thin as in, is barely fatter than me. The person selling the trees probably pruned them, so they look tall and sickly ):

Anyway, mum bought one. You can see it.

As you can see. Tall and sickly.

Le tree with just sparkly lights. Ignore the newspaper beneath it, we didn't want to dirt the floor.

In the process of decorating the tree. See the snowflakes?

The decorated tree :D Looks a bit messy, but oh well. WE STILL HAVE A TREE.

My most favourite people in the world (: So glad that we could celebrate Christmas together.

Not much pictures, yet, but we'll get there (: And none of the pictures are sharp =.= DEPRESSING. NEED A TRIPOD NOW.

corine

temporary hiatus

2012-01-06T10:01:00.001+08:00

If you keep up to date with my posts, you'll realize that my blog has been dead for a while now.

It's not like I don't have things to talk about. I just find myself doing more thinking and less talking these days. Offline and online.

In a roundabout way, the entire fiasco on Wednesday and Thursday managed to shake something into me, making me feel more compelled to blog. So I transferred the pictures I took in December to my laptop and sorted them out, just so that I could actually blog about them.

Fair warning, I don't take much pictures to begin with because my DSLR is heavy =.= And I'm thinking of buying a tripod stand, just so I don't have to ask random strangers to take pictures for me. At any rate, we shall see.

OH, and I'm finally beginning the driving lessons. Walrus came through this time, and finally allowed me to go for it. I'm not expecting too much from the lecture, or whatever it is, because it's six hours of doing nothing anyway. I'll probably die.

Also, I guess this is about two weeks late, but I got a haircut. Which is to say, I didn't cut it super short or anything, I just got a trim and some layers in, but now my hair has gone super fluffy. As in, frizzy =.= It's quite annoying to wake up in the morning and have half of my hair in my face. I will never get layers in again. Ever. It may look good on girls with pretty, straight hair but it looks whack on me. Never again.

Hmm, what else? I've been at home most of the time. A few people have asked me out, but I feel more comfortable at home, and I feel a little too lazy to get out. I have to stop doing that though, or I might end up with no friends.

Guess that's about it. Expect a picture post next.

corine

appreciation

2011-12-30T23:50:00.000+08:00

These are things I do appreciate:

Honesty

Being straightforward

Not playing mind games with me

Actually listening to me

Chatting me up with no personal agenda

Quick replies

Any kind of reply at all, actually

These are things I do not appreciate:

Arrogance

Mind games

A lousy attitude

Not listening when it's my turn to talk

Not giving me a chance to talk

Extremely slow replies

Feigning stupidity

When 2012 comes, here's what I hope for - real, honest-to-goodness friends, a healthy family and mindset to accept whatever He sends my way.

So for the last day of 2011, I'm going to make it count. Even if I'll be under house arrest.

corine

little boy

2011-12-28T22:28:00.001+08:00

Got up early today to accompany FJ to see a dermatologist, and guess who I met on the way out of the doctor's room?

Little boy :D

A little surprising, but nevertheless, a pleasing sight. He looked as cute as ever, and his mum knew MY mum. It's as though it was fated or something. He even said Hi to me! (I sound so pathetic now, but still)

I managed to thoroughly humiliate myself by dropping my bag, book and phone as I stalked out to get FJ's prescription. Yay me, always looking like a klutz in front of him.

Btw, when I say little boy. I do mean, literally, little. My IS friends would know. He's about a head shorter than me, but it kind of suits him. I mean, it makes him look like a child - small and cute.

On another note, I don't know if I can stand working in hospitals for too long. As I entered the hospital today, the first thing that hit me was the smell. I believe I mentioned it before, but the smell of disinfectant/formaldehyde/sick people (in no way at all do I mean this as an insult) is so strong and distinctive that it hits you full-face, and you can't do anything about it.

Of course, literally speaking, you could. You could gag, cover your nose, run out of the hospital. But if you're working in the hospital, you can't.

I hate the smell. Or perhaps hate is too strong a word for it. Okay, the smell isn't pleasant. It reminds me of people dying and being depressed. It reminds me of people who are sick. It makes me feel like running out, hoping that I don't catch on to their depression.

Another thing I don't like - the ambience. Everybody, save the nurses on duty, are solemn. As if they are at a funeral. I mean, no one's happy to be sick and have to come to the hospital, but the air is generally thick with sadness. It's a bit.... sad.

There were Christmas decorations as well, but they were kind of useless. I mean, I didn't notice there were any until I was about to leave.

I don't know. If this is the kind of life I'm resigned to for another ten years, I might as well start digging my grave now.

Luckily little boy was there. It was like a spark of sunshine.

corine

too tired to breath

2011-12-27T23:46:00.000+08:00

These days, I get super tired for no apparent reason. I feel like I never get enough sleep even though I'm getting more sleep than I ever did when I was in KTT. My eyes start feeling extremely heavy at about 9 PM, and I start longing for bed.

Ugh.

Anyway. Updates. Went out with a bunch of IS people today. I thought it would be just me and the two couples but luckily Jon Liew showed up. He's looking good, he got his hair coloured a nice shade of brown. Which reminds me, I'm debating on whether I should make my hair get even more dry by getting it dyed. Hmph.

Oh, and Joshua came along too, but I can bet you he wasn't there for the food.

Tomorrow I'm meeting up with more old friends, and then I'll head home and sleep the entire day. Or at least, that's the plan.

You know what I don't like? Being the part of the poster family image my dad tries to create. It's a role that I don't particularly like playing, especially when it involves the press and campaigning. Please Pa. Leave me out of your campaigning. I cannot stand all the drama and kiss-ass action involved.

Stomach is aching. Ugh. This is a pointless post.

corine

even when you're miles away from me

2011-12-25T21:34:00.002+08:00

You never fail to make me smile.

Guess who just ticked something off her wishlist again?

So Christmas was, to put it mildly, different this year. A little off, and not the way we usually celebrate it. And to be honest, it did throw me off a bit. Mainly because for one, I barely got any sleep last night and for another, the boyfriend left Malaysia again. He's gone off to Thailand, and I can't call or text him (again)

We had the usual present giving ceremony. I wasn't expecting anything, but surprise surprise. Tia and FJ managed to surprise me with a gift. It's a bag. which is what I've been hankering after, and it looks pretty (: Pretty and it's the exact type I wanted. That was already good enough for me.

Then Tia said wait, before going back up and coming downstairs with a paper bag. But not just any ordinary paper bag.

My heart started beating so fast right then and there, because I knew it was him. I peeked into the bag and there, wrapped in shiny red paper was a long rectangular thing. Without unwrapping it, I knew what he had gotten for me.

What caught my eye first though, was the card with Hamster written on it.

I couldn't help myself. I started to cry. We were miles away from each other, and he had managed to surprise me again. Even though, I did suspect he was preparing something, I honestly thought that he didn't in the end. Just looking at the present made me miss him so much more. The card with his handwriting made it worse.

It's just that. I didn't expect much for Christmas. I truly was contented enough with having my sisters here with me to celebrate. But he just. I mean.

Words fail me now. And all I can say is thank you so very much. I'm missing you even more now.

With all my heart
I love you
corine

to blog

2011-12-22T15:54:00.006+08:00

I've been meaning to blog. There has been one or two funny incidents since Tia got home. Or at least, incidents worth a mention.

But I just lost the mood to. I don't know why.

I did schedule a post so that it would get published today, but looking back through it. I felt like it was too much. So I deleted it. It's not very interesting anyway, I haven't left Sabah at all since coming back. So no fun places and stuff.

I'll get around to blogging soon. But thank you for the continuous support anyway. Pictures up soon, I think.

corine

rcr

2011-12-16T19:57:00.002+08:00

I decided to log into my graphics forum today, just so that I can occupy myself. I joined the forum in 2009, and I remember just how inspired I was with the artwork there. It was amazing. More than amazing.

What I loved best about the forum was that nobody knew me there. It wasn't an Asian-based forum, so none of my comrades from, say, Soompi would be able to find me. I loved it. I loved seeing other people working at their art.

Well. I thought my account would have been long terminated because I've been inactive for two years. But amazingly, it wasn't. I managed to recover my password and now I'm hesitating. I don't know if I dare to look at how well some of them have progressed, while what little talents I have went to hell and never came back.

The good thing is. Going back there made me feel like getting into arts again, and for real.

This time, they even opened a section for writing so. Fingers crossed. I might start.

Now I'll have something to occupy me XD

corine

nobody makes me feel the way you do

2011-12-15T23:33:00.002+08:00

And nobody would do what you do for me.

I love you. Thank you.

corine

boredom sets in

2011-12-15T15:27:00.002+08:00

Like, really.

All I ever do is sleep and eat these days. It's no wonder my cheeks are filling out. I look a bit more fatter now. Mum reckons it's good for me, I just don't want to balloon out too much =.=

OH. Went out with Landy yesterday. After Tia and the boyfriend, she is one of the people I would trust with my life. And now that we both found we have even more in common - a love for hoarding make-up products - we have even more nonsense to talk about.

I believe she is the only person who could tolerate going in and out of shops with me, while staring at different products XD

It was good catching up with her. I will definitely go out with her again.

Aside from that, I also Skyped with Princess, another good friend.

The boyfriend called as well. Made for such a lovely ending to a good day.

I have nothing much to say at the moment. But I feel like doing something more useful than playing games so. Blogging it is. YAWN.

corine

the boyfriend called me last night

2011-12-13T12:18:00.001+08:00

It was only for a few minutes, but it was so good to be able to hear his voice again ♥

corine

urban decay is back again

2011-12-12T10:14:00.004+08:00

Now, I've known this for about two weeks, but I only got really excited yesterday, after watching a few reviews on it.

In August, I talked about Urban Decay's NAKED Palette, which is a pretty cool eye-shadow palette. It houses a slew of warm-toned shades which I like, and there's a really nice black shade there called Creep. I have wanted it since then, even though I don't use make-up on a daily basis, if only because it's so pretty.

Anyway. Now Urban Decay came up with NAKED2, another palette which looks oh-so fine. It only came out two weeks ago, I believe, and some of my favourite gurus on Youtube just did a review for it. I myself am excited because the shades, despite looking quite similar, are different. I hear the black is more pigmented, and is comparable to MAC's Carbon.

If asked which of the two I prefer, I'd say the first, because my skin has yellow undertones (because I'm Asian, haha) and so warm-toned colours suit me more.

However. I still find them so AMAZING. I am almost broke right now, but I would buy them.

The casing. It's a bit annoying cause it's a metal casing though.

The colours available. JUST LOOK AT THE BLACK. So awesome.

Yes, I know it's a ridiculous waste of money, especially since I don't use make-up everyday. But what can I say, I like nonsense like this. Ugh. I want more money.

It's ridiculous to dedicate a post entirely to make-up. But oh well.

Seven days, and counting. Come home soon.

corine

where are you now?

2011-12-11T16:13:00.003+08:00

I know we'll never see those days again
And things will never be that way again
But that's just how it goes
People change but I know
I won't forget you

Honor Society, Where Are You Now?

I read your post. That's all I can say.

On another note, the boyfriend left for Taiwan today. One whole week ): I will be uber depressed.

corine

what i was up to

2011-12-09T12:25:00.012+08:00

So these are way overdue, but I finally managed to get my lazy ass to start uploading these pictures.

Yes, this was what I was up to during the week before BTN.

I spent most of those days with the boyfriend, who planned a very awesome week for me (:

Less talk, more pictures, yeah? You can guess where we went to.

Maggie managed to guess where we were almost immediately. Hmph.

Anyway, look at him. His hair was too long then, and he looks retarded here but still :P

The ever famous Klang Bak Kut Teh (I don't know the spelling, forgive me :P)

I ate a whole lot more than I intended to.

In case you can't tell, it's the periodic table (:

I still don't like posting pictures of us together, but oh well.

KL Tower (: And his hair was still overgrown.

Pathway leading to the most breath-taking view of KL.

KL at night. All the sparkly lights makes it all so magical.

Most people would think it's stupid to want to go back to the same place twice.

I don't.

Looks somewhat like a castle, right?

A French village in Malaysia (: Pretty huh? The insides are prettier.

View from the cable car.

Strictly speaking, I don't think it's a cable car.

So pretty (: Pity my camera couldn't capture all its beauty.

So there you have it. A few pictures from my stint as a tourist in KL. There are a few more, but I'm too lazy to go through them. At any rate, at least these pictures give you a fair idea of where I was.

I'm eternally grateful to the boyfriend for thinking out of the box and taking me to places that aren't common. Instead of opting for the typical movie and shopping mall date, he made an effort so that the few days we had together would be memorable. Although I didn't get to buy much ): I still enjoyed myself a lot. Thank you ♥

corine

drifting

2011-12-08T15:36:00.003+08:00

I feel like I'm just a piece of paper, or whatever, just drifting about.

I have no destination in mind, nor am I taking note of the journey.

I don't know, but since A2 ended, that's how I've been feeling.

It's not pleasant at all.

Anyway. Today I went back to my old high school. FJ wanted to return her textbooks so I waited in the car while she went in. And I realized just how much my school has changed. There are now cameras in various points around, and the sandy area where the athletes used to train for long jump has now been tiled and turned into more space for hanging out.

Along the stairs to the Form 3 block, there are plants hanging. And Kikir told me that the main block was repainted. Even the security guard has changed.

All of a sudden, the place that had shaped the most critical years of my life has become so vastly different, and I feel quite sad.

We then drove down to IS, where FJ was going to register. And when I got there, I was struck by how... frozen it was. How similar it was to when I left.

Not a thing has changed.

I walked into the main entrance, and I noticed the cafeteria remained unchanged. The stairs looked exactly the same, as did the assembly area. There were still students loitering about, as always, and there were still the promotional banners from last year, with familiar faces. I couldn't shake off the feeling that time had somehow stopped in IS.

I recalled a friend of mine telling me last year, "IS is the same as ever, it will never change," And somehow, I feel that it's true. It has not changed, not a bit.

I opened the door to the office, and the familiar smell which I have not sniffed in over a year hit me directly in my face. It has not changed. It smelt exactly the same way it always had. I could suddenly recall, with perfect clarity, the lecture halls, the usual seat I use to occupy, the classrooms, the computer lab where I'd hide out whenever I skipped my lectures.

Yes. Some things change. But some just don't.

It seems silly to even be fascinated by this. But I felt so awed by it. How can some things change so much, and how can some just... not?

These are fragments of thoughts, not complete ideas. But in the drifting phase I am, I feel like catching hold of things that are as insignificant as this would be better than just floating away.

corine

permanent

2011-12-07T15:00:00.002+08:00

I've been back in Sabah for about two days now, and I'm still feeling a bit off. I don't know why exactly, but my mind seems to think I'll be back in KTT by the end of this week. I keep thinking that I'll be seeing everyone soon, and not in a few month's time.

I feel quite lost and helpless. I have practically nothing to do, except laze around. I haven't even finished unpacking, and I've turned Tia's bed into my table. All my books and electronics are still strewn around. My luggage bags are a mess of clothes and shoes beside the bookshelf. Honestly, I feel like I'm living in a different time-space dimension.

I think the fact that I'm going to have a three-month break has not sunk into my head permanently yet.

Nothing much has changed at home. I still talk in the same way to my sisters and my mum. I still rarely see Walrus around (in fact, I've only seen him for about twelve hours in total) and I still bully the boy. If anything, the house seems to be in the same state it was when I left it, except that Tia isn't here.

What has changed is that the boy has grown taller. He'll probably be taller than me by next year. Shame his voice is still a girl's voice. Oh, and my mum has actually stuck to her diet plan for two months :O Surprising, to say the least, considering she's never stuck to one for even a day before. Thanks to her, we don't have much meat in this house, or snacks. And plenty of vegetables =.= I don't care much for this diet of hers.

I have been living the past two days in a sort of daze, drifting in and out of sleep. What jerked me to my senses was the vase full of home-grown flowers in the second dining room. I walked down to dinner yesterday, and I noticed it was bursting with vibrant colours. Reds, yellows, purples and pinks. Somehow, I don't think that the middle of the table is ever empty when I come home. It makes this house feel a little more lived-in.

I don't think I'll be getting a big house when I grow older. Growing up in one has made me feel a lot like a stranger in my own house. If I stay in just one corner of the house, I feel like I'm cut off from the world. I can't hear anyone wandering around, can't see anyone else for a while. It makes me feel like I'm the only inhabitant of this house.

Stark contrast to when I'm in KTT, and my apartment is always bursting with people. Haih. I miss my housemates and my neighbours.

One sister went out after our lunch date with mum. My brother is in his room, gaming. My sister is in the library, gaming as well. I'm in my room, preparing to sleep. At 3 in the afternoon, no less. Hah. This place only comes alive at night when we all gather and talk.

I think the one good thing so far is that I have been spending more time talking to my siblings and my mum. Not so with Walrus, but oh well.

This is a boring post. No pictures, not very eventful. Then again. I need to talk to someone about how I feel. And I guess at times like this, my blog is as good a person as anyone.

corine

On graduating from the jungle

2011-12-06T13:05:00.006+08:00

So firstly, I have uploaded the few pictures I have in Facebook. Feel free to check them out there. I will, however, be posting some of my favourite photos of the night here, just because (:

My one regret of the night was that Maggie and gang got lost on the way to the hotel, so we didn't have much time to take pictures :/ But anyway. Moving on.

When we got to the hotel, everybody started taking pictures immediately. The entire hall was filled with the different groups of people taking pictures. Of course, I wanted to take many pictures of people too, but somehow, I didn't =.=

I like this shot because it's so clear. And sharp. And the colours are so vibrant (:

My friends only got to the hotel a few minutes before we had to enter the ballroom, hence the reason why we couldn't procure a table for all of us. I had to sit with the boyfriend at a table where both of us were not entirely comfortable. As in, we knew who we were sitting with, we just weren't as close to them. The rest of my friends were all the way at the back of the room ):

I meant to take pictures of Shana performing, but I didn't have my camera with me ):

I did get shots of the CF choir though. Sounded pretty good, but the volume was a little low.

Oh, and our prom queen and king was Shana and Jee Seng (:

We left the place around 1-ish and I have to say, I did enjoy this one more than the one last year. Don't know why, I just did. A lot of people looked really good that night, but I have to say, not one dress stood out at all. I have no idea why. And the men all looked the same. But then again, all men would, if they were a coat =.=

Not the most uplifting post, but you get your pictures (:

ryu

one confession

2011-12-05T09:56:00.002+08:00

DAY TEN

I hated KTT when I first came. I remember thinking to myself that I would not make friends, that I would just lock myself up and not go out and remain a loner.

But things changed, for the better. And I can honestly say, I have changed. Some parts are good, some parts are bad. But for the most part, I feel more mature.

When I first came, I couldn't wait to leave.

When I left yesterday, I could not stop crying, all the way home.

It's not the facilities, the lecturers or the environment which makes your college experience wonderful. It's the friends you make along the way, the people you get to know and the people you come to love.

My confession is. I can't wait to come back for KI, if God allows it.

corine

two smileys that describe your life right now

2011-12-04T10:50:00.001+08:00

DAY NINE

1. ):

2. (:

Bipolar. I'm both happy and sad.

corine

Three turn ons

2011-12-04T01:02:00.002+08:00

DAY EIGHT

1. Good grammar is very sexy.

2. Confidence sways me. A guy with swagger is a guy worth looking stupid for.

3. This one is silly, but guys who mock me always seem to find a way into my heart. By mocking me back when I shoot them, they not only display a certain level of interest in me, but also prove that they won't let me push them around. If that even makes sense. I know, it sounds so typical.

corine

the last date of 2011

2011-12-04T00:55:00.002+08:00

I just. Words honestly fail me at this moment. I want to cry, and laugh, and be happy all at the same time. Except, you know, humans aren't programmed to do that.

I will miss you. I will miss seeing you every day. I will miss the comfort in knowing you're only five minutes away from me. I will miss listening to you rambling, miss having you tease me.

I will just miss you.

I want to go home so much, but at the same time. I feel heavy-hearted to leave.

corine

sneak peak (updating)

2011-12-03T00:12:00.003+08:00

When I think of Esther and Andrea, this is the image that comes to mind.

Can you guess what's coming next? (: I look super retarded in all the pictures, but oh well.

corine

four turn offs

2011-12-02T22:53:00.002+08:00

DAY SEVEN

1. Unkempt hair. Yes, messy hair is appealing, but only if it's maintained properly. As in, washed and styled. And please, not too much gel or hair-spray.

2. Being clingy. Some guys are seriously annoying. They cling on like glue even when you make it clear that you aren't interested. Also, guys who are too don't care-ish. There is a fine line between caring just enough and not caring at all.

3. Lack of interest in arts or music. A big no-no. You must at least enjoy watching movies.

4. You need to be a handphone person. Sorry, but I like texting and calling way too much to sacrifice that. If you can't be a handphone person, be an online person. I'm on 24/7.

People are leaving ): My tangga is so empty now.

corine

five people who mean a lot

2011-12-02T22:47:00.003+08:00

(A very belated) DAY SIX

1. My twin sister, Tia.

2. My mum

3. My sisters, FJ and Kikir.

4. Landy

5. Him (:

To all those who still continued to read my blog despite my absence, thank you so much (: I was surprised to see my stats were still increasing, though it did slow down.

I have a ton of things to blog about now, but I will save it for later, I guess. Pictures later

corine

six things you wish you'd never done

2011-11-28T00:22:00.002+08:00

DAY FIVE

1. Cutting my hair back in December 2010. If I didn't, my hair length would longer.

2. Not getting an anti-virus program for my laptop, which resulted in my laptop dying ):

3. My confession to a guy seven years my senior when I was 14. Pathetic.

4. Shut down my private blog. I don't know if I have the archives or not now.

5. The later part of Form 5. I ruined one friendship almost for good.

6. 25th January 2009. I'm still traumatized to this day.

Okay. Quick update. I have officially graduated, and I leave for brain washing camp tomorrow. My phone won't be with me (though I might be smuggling it in) so. I have virtually zero contact with the outside world for five days. Help.

I believe all things happen for a reason. And though certain things are harder to swallow and take, I don't think there's anything else I can do. I can only accept it.

corine

seven things that cross your mind a lot

2011-11-27T23:48:00.002+08:00

DAY FOUR

1. The three month break.

2. Packing

3. Shopping

4. Text messages

5. Tia

6. A2 results

7. Him

Not necessarily in that order (:

corine

eight ways to win your heart

2011-11-27T23:34:00.002+08:00

DAY THREE

1. You should have a good command of English. Good grammar is super sexy.

2. I like wit. I enjoy witty comments, sarcastic comebacks and quirky quips.

3. Dress to impress. Not that it's a big deal, but people who make an effort to look presentable scores big time with me.

4. Know your music. If you like KPop, impress me with your genuine understanding of it. If you dig Indie songs, know your bands well. If you love the local music scene, talk about them with ease, not with the air of someone who memorized the Wikipedia page.

5. Feed me. And by feed, I mean when I'm hungry, and not when I don't want to eat a thing.

6. Let me mock you. If you allow me to tease you or annoy you, chances are I'll get closer faster to you.

7. Read my blog. Haha, this is pretty ridiculous, but I feel like it's a simple thing to do anyway. You read my blog, you get to know me.

8. Be yourself. This sounds so lame, but it's true. Be comfortable in your own skin, don't be a fake and have actual opinions.

Missed two days, so I'll be doing day four next (:

corine

nine things about yourself

2011-11-25T23:40:00.003+08:00

DAY TWO

1. I am socially awkward. ~~I would say socially retarded, but I think that's just...~~ okay, let's just go with socially retarded.

2. I love The Big Bang Theory. The series, not the Korean band. It's a witty show, which never fails to entertain me.

3. I am still crazy about cardigans. I thought I'd grow out of it, but no, seeing a new one always makes me feel weak.

4. In the past year or so, I have grown to trust the people around me more and more. In fact, my housemates and neighbours are some of the people I feel most comfortable around, despite the fact that we've only known each other for a while.

5. I am absolutely crazy about Korea. I know, so unbecoming and so stupid, but I love it. I love my Korean bands, I love my TVXQ.

6. I am a compulsive shopaholic. Though I'd like to think I've gotten better at controlling my urges.

7. I can't drive. Yet. Pathetic? Tell my mum that =.=

8. I am a hopeless romantic. I like all things cheesy, sweet and romantic. Yes, I know I act like I don't but really.... all girls want to be treated like a princess.

9. I have a boyfriend who drives me crazy most days, who annoys me more often than he texts me, who acts like a kid, who doesn't photograph well, who fights with me almost every day. But above all things, I love him.

Today was awesome. I would say... second best date ever. Pictures soon (:

AND I INSPIRED ESTHER TO UPDATE HER BLOG :D PEOPLE. GO READ HER BLOG :D

corine

Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now

2011-11-24T12:38:00.002+08:00

DAY ONE

1. Bring me back good food.

2. Don't forget to bring my luggage with you.

3. Pub date? (:

4. SOLD THE TOASTER ALREADY :D

5. I wish I took you up on that McD breakfast date ):

6. We'll skype again soon, Monday was awesome.

7. Money.

8. Call me when you come back to KK (:

9. Can I borrow your nail polish?

10. I'm sorry about last night.

Guess who each person is (:

corine

Ten days

2011-11-24T12:32:00.002+08:00

Friends went out today, and I stayed in. Am packing up my things and I've come to the conclusion that next year, if I make it back for KI, I might as well just bring an empty luggage bag because I bought so much nonsense, I don't know what to do with it =.=

I bought three pairs of shoes with me. And I have about nine new pairs now.

I bought a dozen or so shirts. And I have more than thirty new ones (some of which I haven't tried yet :/)

I hope packing doesn't take forever. I hate packing.

Anyway, to entertain myself. I found a 10-day challenge my friend was doing, and I felt like doing it. I'll probably skip a few days because of the brainwashing camp I have next week, but rest assured, I'll pick up speed afterwards.

I know it's probably not the update you guys are expecting. Yes I do have pictures, but no, I don't feel like sharing them just yet. Soon (:

Anyway. Here we go.

scrub until you see the surface, then scrub harder until your skin peels off

2011-11-22T14:22:00.003+08:00

~~I know it's post A2 now, and I'm pretty sure you're expecting to read good things. It's my long awaited holiday after all.~~

~~To be fair, I'm probably PMS-ing.~~

~~To defend myself, I have a right to be a human.~~

~~Anyway, before I go any further, you might have realized that my blog link is now on Facebook. For a limited time only. Not that I expect people to want to read the nonsense I type, but still.~~

Okay, so Friday. After the paper, I went out with my housemates and my neighbours. Went to watch Tintin (which was good) and eat non-KTT stuff. Got home late-ish, dragged myself into the shower and slept.

Then Saturday and Sunday, where I went shopping for my graduation dress and heels with Tia. Got my dress at last, and though I spent so much, I feel quite happy with myself. It's the exact type of dress I wanted. You will all see pictures of my graduation night because I will definitely bring my camera then.

Then Monday. Went out with him the whole day, and it was nice. Honestly, it was the best date I've had. I won't elaborate much, but I will say, I enjoyed it. Maybe not the end, yeah, but I did enjoy myself. It was overall a good day.

~~And I skyped with a good friend last night. It was amazing, albeit, somehow weird, but still. I was shocked into silence. She was shocked and very excited.~~

I do actually have pictures, for once. But I'm really not in the mood to upload them, or do anything for that matter. I just got through about half of the cleaning in my house done, and hopefully, I can get it all done later. I might need to sleep now though.

~~This really isn't the way I imagined my post A2 entry to sound like. I sound so disjointed, and not at all ecstatic. I don't know. Maybe my hormones are going crazy.~~

~~At any rate. I hope I have someone to help me get my hair done for the night. Cause I don't know how to do it.~~

I'm not moody anymore. Gosh, what a difference a phone call can make. I love you so much baby ♥

ryu

Goodbye A2

2011-11-13T23:55:00.002+08:00

So technically, it's not goodbye just yet BUT I can't wait. I really can't.

Five more days. Three more papers. And then I'm FREE. FREE I TELL YOU. I can do all the things I've dreamt of doing since my first day in KTT. I can go out and shop without worrying about studying. I can go online without the nagging feeling that I still have to finish reading a chapter. I can go HOME.

I mean, I'll have packing and all to do. And I'll be without my best friend for almost three months ): But on the whole, A2 is finally over and I look forward to it.

Fever-ish at the moment, as always, but this time it's actually quite serious. I'll need to go see a doctor tomorrow after the paper because I don't want to be sick during my play week. Hah. I CANNOT WAIT.

I've got a ton of things to do after this. I'm giddy with anticipation (and also lack of sleep) but I will still try to run the good race.

I'm not the brightest student. Definitely not the most hardworking. But if God willing, I'd like to come back next year for KI. And I don't know what rumors are flying around right now, but if someone told you I'm planning not to come back, even if I make the cut-off point, I'd have to say that's not true. Because the thing is, I don't even know myself. So no assumptions, k?

Good night. Let's finish the race well!

corine

The Notebook

2011-11-11T23:00:00.004+08:00

When I was 16, my sisters and I used to buy DVDs all the time. We'd go out every week and buy a bunch of them, from all genres - horror, romantic comedies, love stories... the like. Then we'd watch them together.

Those were good times.

Anyway, we watched The Notebook around that time, because everyone kept raving about how sad it was. But back then, possibly because Korean movies are a thousand times more heart-wrenching than English ones, I felt nothing while watching it. In fact, I remember laughing towards the end. And FJ fell asleep half-way, I believe,

So I've always thought it was a failed movie. Despite the fact that Rachel McAdams stared in it (she is an amazing actress, btw) I wasn't moved to tears, and I'm super emotional. Just about any tear-jerking movie makes me start gasping for air.

Today, after the horrific Physics paper, I locked myself in the room for five hours. I slept on and off, considered going to the doctor, and finally, decided to call a good friend of mine. She was awesome, as always. I've quite forgotten what it was like to cry and laugh at the same time. Honestly. I so much better after talking to her.

It was because of her that I finally decided to come out of hibernation anyway. I came out, and thought of going out to watch In Time by myself, because I felt like I needed to get away, but then Walrus called, and told me to come and eat dinner with him.

You don't say no to Walrus. Especially when you're missing your family right now.

But I still wanted to watch a movie. So I decided to re-watch The Notebook.

And this time, I cried. It moved me to tears, over and over. I can't help it, watching the way Noah kept coming back for Allie, even though she kept forgetting him made me tear up. It's just beautiful, the kind of love that lasts, even though you don't meet each other for seven years. Even if you're not tied to each other in any way at all. It means your love withstands everything - time, distance and even fading away.

Strictly speaking, I know that there is no guy in the world who is wired up like Noah. Unless the guy is gay. No guy would go to such lengths to ask a girl out, or would shape his entire life around a promise he made her. Which is probably why movies like this were made. To satisfy a girl's fantasy about men like this.

Anyway. That was a good movie. Worth crying over, at any rate.

At this part, I choked up like crazy. I will come back to you. Such cliché lines, but oh. They never do go out of style. Can't help being so cheesy, I have always loved word play. Anyone who likes reading appreciates word play.

I need to rest. Shall probably watch one more movie, or something before turning in.

ryu

i know who i want to take me home

2011-11-02T09:00:00.006+08:00

I don't like taking pictures. And I really find it awkward when I post pictures of myself up. Especially on my blog. Which is odd, considering it IS my blog and I have all rights to be a narcissist. But still. Anyone who's known me for a considerable amount of time would know that.

Hence. When I say that this was difficult for me. I mean, really, really difficult.

With that being said, this post will be. Uhm, disgusting. So please, if you're not into any of that mushy nonsense, stop reading and go to someone else's blog. Or go sleep or something.

Dear you.

This isn't the least bit romantic, but I did want to do something for you. You see, when you said last night that the most important thing in a relationship is the caring for someone part, I thought of this. I did initially prepare something else, but seeing your reaction to it yesterday made me think twice. For me, being romantic is another way to show you care. And while you don't have to do so, I still want to do them. For you. Because that's how I show I care.

I have learnt so much about you in the past few months, and I'm still learning. And I can't wait to learn even more about you. Although we can barely last a day without disagreeing, and although you still annoy me a lot, I honestly still can't imagine a day without you as my boyfriend. I can't imagine who else would put up with my insecurities, my nonsense, my pride, my bad hair days, my mood swings, my sudden anger rants... and just me in general, except you.

I don't know anyone else who would just randomly send me pictures of worms to cheer me up, or call at unreasonable hours. I don't know anyone else who would go through all the trouble to get stupid things crossed off my wishlist. In fact, I don't know anyone else who would willingly memorize my entire wishlist. I don't know anyone who's crazy enough to go to all the bookstores in KL, just to find a bunch of books for me. And you don't even read much.

I told you yesterday, I don't think people have a choice as to who they fall in love with.

But they do have the choice to chose whether they want to have a relationship or not with the person they love. They have a choice of going further, or leaving it.

There are many times when I seem to feel dissatisfied with you, with your efforts, and with the way you are generally. But I've learnt that just because a person doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they aren't loving you with all their heart. We have different ways of expressing how we care, and this is my way.

You're not just my boyfriend, you're also my best friend. I know it's really stupid, but there's no one else I trust as much as I trust you (apart from Tia)

You can't ask me to explain why I want to be with you, because it's not something I can explain. Honest. I just know I love seeing your name on caller ID when you call. I like eating lunch and dinner with you. I love you taking my hand. I love listening to you talk about everything under the sun. I love your natural scent. I love the way your eyes light up whenever we get into heated discussions or when you get passionate about something. I love the way your eyes almost disappear whenever you smile. I love how you let me bully and punch you all the time.

See, the list can go on and on but I would seriously bore other people and anyway, it'd take me hours to finish this post then. So.

I've never regretted saying yes that night. And I don't think I will, not for a while.

UGH HONESTLY. I don't know how people can do it, post pictures of themselves cause just doing this is killing me ): Isn't it awkward for anyone else????

But still. For you I will.

Happy seventh month, Yong Kuang. I love you.

corine

closing time

2011-11-01T09:45:00.004+08:00

Since I started getting into romantic comedies, I've always heard this song being playing. But I've never known its title until recently, after watching Friends With Benefits.

Btw, that movie is seriously PG-18. No underage kid should watch it. As a semi-conservative Asian (I say semi because I'd feel like a real hypocrite if I said I was completely conservative, cause I'm not) I cringed while watching some of the parts. I mean, really, is this what the world is coming to? People frolicking about, having sex and not getting married? That's not cool, okay.

Anyway. I'll save the rant for another day. About this song, it's called Closing Time by the band Semisonic, and it's so cute. Super, super cute. I particularly like the way the piano and guitar sounds together. You don't need autotune to make a good song y'know. Just saying.

The reason why I got so excited about this is because one of my favourite YouTube sensations, Alex Goot, covered this song. First thing I saw this morning and it made me so excited :D It sounds almost similar to the original, except with a modern twist.

About 18 more days to go, before freedom. Can't wait (:

ryu

what would my blog be

2011-10-28T14:33:00.002+08:00

Without a post-paper blogpost? (:

So for those non-A2 taking students, I just completed my Biology Paper 4 a few hours ago.

And my first thought upon finishing my paper was, All glory goes to God.

Because truly, all glory goes to Him.

I did not score well for my pre-A2. And by not well, I actually mean not well. As in, not even C. So yes, you know how bad it is now. I did not study for pre (not much) and I didn't do past year. Why? Because I did okay for the mid-sem without much effort and I thought I could pull it off again. Which goes to show, you shouldn't count your chickens before they hatch. And pride comes before a fall.

Yes, I was unprepared. Very, very unprepared. I have been struggling over the past few weeks with an important decision while still trying to study for A2.

I only just completed my Past Year Papers yesterday.

I was expecting inability to answer question. Expecting to hesitate. I was waiting to blank out, like that time when I did in the pre. But I didn't. I managed to complete that paper, and I didn't die in the process. Or at least, not too badly. And it's not because I'm smart, or because I studied like crazy (because compared to others, I know I didn't)

It's because God helped me. It's because He, once again, showed His grace and helped me. He has never left me alone in times of need, even when I don't deserve it at all. He is truly AMAZING. Honestly. AMAZING. I couldn't help myself, even thought I was sniffling and sneezing like crazy (I annoyed those around me) I still managed to do my best. It sounds kind of stupid, but as I finished my paper and began praying and thanking Him, I actually started tearing up because I felt so undeserving of His grace. He continues to treat me well, even when I don't.

Truly. I can't say this enough. All glory goes to Him, and Him alone. If I make it back for KI, it will be thanks to Him.

And. To a dear friend of mine. I don't know if you still read my blog. But anyway, I honestly feel intrigued with what you're telling me. I don't know whether to believe it or not, but. The fact remains that there's a tiny part of me that's curious as well. We'll see (:

To the studying table!

corine

shameless

2011-10-23T15:40:00.002+08:00

Ask and it shall be given to you

Seek and you shall find

Knock and it shall be opened unto you.

Matthew 7:7

So please. Have heart and pray for me. Please pray that I'll get my teeth problems settled by tomorrow. Pray that I will be able to get through my first paper free from any sort of disease. Because frankly, I cannot stand the throbbing pain whenever I'm eating or the discomfort I feel from the swelling and ulcers.

God bless

corine

crossed out

2011-10-20T00:51:00.003+08:00

If you'll all just take a moment to click on the wishlist tag above, you'll notice that ONE more thing has been crossed out. That's right.

And it's one of the things I honestly thought I'd never get.

Guess who's the proud owner of

this.

Yes, I know it probably holds no significance for anyone except those who know how crazy I am about TVXQ. This. Is. MAGICAL.

Except. When I got it, I wasn't happy with the gift. As in, yes, I was happy, but the source of happiness was well... from the giver.

His face when he entered the classroom was radiant. And he was hiding something. My first thought was that he had brought dinner and he was shy about sharing it. And then he pulled it out and tossed it gently onto the table.

You know. I think I spazzed out for five minutes non-stop. My words were incoherent and I'm pretty sure nothing I said made sense at all. But I do remember looking at his face, and registering the satisfied and happy look on it.

That, more than anything, made me happy.

At the end of the day, with the DVD beside me (it feels quite surreal) and recalling back what he said to me, I feel like, despite my tooth expulsion, I have had a really good day. It has been so long since someone last told me, Go for your dreams sincerely. Of everything that he has told me, from beginning to the end, these are one of the nicest things he has said.

You can write, and you have a gift. If that's your dream, then go for it.

and

I have been waiting for you to tell me you wanted to write.

I know. You were probably expecting mushy nonsense. Sorry, I may melt at those, but its things like this which I remember for life.

So in essence, although the gift really impressed me, it was his words that won me over. And I know most people think he's not capable of clever, thoughtful words or of being thoughtful at all, for the matter. Because honestly, I sometimes I forget he is too. But he did not win me over by being his annoying, idiotic, arrogant self. He won me over with his mad desire to make me happy. His ability to understand me better than myself sometimes. His ability to read my mind accurately.

You are just wonderful to me, even though you're annoying.

corine

numb

2011-10-19T16:05:00.002+08:00

Define the word numb.

1. to lack sensation

2. emotionally unresponsive

I woke up this morning feel like hell. I wanted to curl up and die, not get out of my room, not talk to anyone at all.

But fortunately (or unfortunately) one of my teeth was aching. It was seriously painful, to the point where it actually managed to knock out any other thought in my brain for a few minutes. I sat at my table, staring at the Biology Application booklet, and yet nothing was registering in my brain at all. Not a thing.

I didn't know who to talk to. Not my mum, because it'd freak her out. Not Tia, because she hadn't woken up yet. I told Esther and Evan but they couldn't exactly take the pain away.

And so. I did what I should. I called the one person who could help me.

Maggie.

She's a good friend, seriously. She sent me to the clinic, without complaining about the studying time I was taking away from her, sat with me as I waited for my turn and talked non-stop the whole way, which distracted me from anything else. It was good.

At any rate, talking to her always makes me feel better.

Anyway, I hate dentists. Honestly. I have always feared them. I can't believe I actually willingly decided to go see one myself. I guess my tolerance for pain has gotten a lot less. Or maybe my fear for A2 has worked magic.

Huh.

So I took a number, filled in the form and then waited for my turn. The place was quite empty, there were only four other people aside from me. I had to wait for about ten minutes before my turn, which wasn't too bad, considering FJ sometimes has to wait for hours. Then I entered.

The dentist was quite young, about late twenties, and he seemed nice. He shook his head when he saw my tooth (so that should tell you how bad it was) and asked me why I didn't go for a filling, because I wouldn't have to pull it out then.

I didn't think that "Because I hate the sound of the drill when I come for fillings," counted as a proper answer.

He had me lie back, then he injected anesthetic into the gums near my teeth. It was the most painful part of the procedure, to be honest. I don't remember the needle being so sharp =.=

I was sent out to wait for a few minutes, then I came in again.

This was the worse part.

Because I'm still quite young, my tooth was very, well, strong. It had long roots and refused to come out. Seriously. He worked away at my tooth for five minutes, tugging and tugging, but it refused to budge. My mouth started aching because it was tiring to hold my mouth open for so long, so he let me rest for a bit.

I am not exaggerating when I say I kept praying, from the moment I entered the room. And when he said, I might need to cut the bone a bit to loosen it up, I almost cried.

However, it wasn't as painful as I expected. To be honest, I felt literally no pain, only weariness because I had to keep my mouth open for so long.

I had to keep spitting and I felt quite surprised at the amount of blood I was expelling. I thought amount of blood ∝ amount of pain, but then again, I did have a load of anesthetic injected.

It took some time and when he finally pulled it free, I was shocked at the length of its roots. Seriously. It was very long and white. I gaped at it.

I picked up my medicine, then Maggie drove me to get porridge at Inti. She actually volunteered to cook for me, but I said no. So I bought the porridge, and came back.

So ends my adventures with the dentist. Wish I could take a picture but I kind of look like a vampire at the moment, because I haven't stopped bleeding quite yet. My lips are still numb, so I probably won't feel any pain for the next two hours. I'll probably be writhing around in agony later. But yeah.

ryu

to remember this

2011-10-14T20:04:00.002+08:00

Fever and flu, not the best combination when A2 is less then two weeks away.

It suddenly becomes a tremendous task to just drag yourself out of bed.

Walrus, you need to get here faster cause I want my antibiotics now.

Can't wait to get A2 over with. I've said it a million times already, but still. I cannot wait for it.

Thank you Joan for the chocolate :D Now I won't have to drag myself all the way to the mini mart just to get my daily chocolate fix.

corine

cooking cooking

2011-10-11T21:40:00.002+08:00

Well. I think the picture speaks for itself.

I don't cook. Not at all. Unless you count instant noodles, then yeah, I don't cook.

Honestly, I have no idea what possessed me to agree to cook. But I suppose it turned out fine. Better then I expected. And at least he didn't die while eating it, which is more than good enough for me.

His face when I gave him the porridge was just. Well. At that moment, I realized why girls like cooking for their boyfriends so much. That look was better than any thank you.

And now you better get well soon. Stop going online and sleep more and listen to Ben when he says you're not going to die.

corine

timing indeed

2011-10-07T03:34:00.002+08:00

I feel as though someone has just slapped realization into me.

Sigh, honestly. If only the timing had been in my favour. If only, if only.

All part of God's plans for me, but I can't help thinking. Oh well oh well.

If I had to do it all over again, I know for certain what I'd change.

corine

unexpected

2011-10-02T22:40:00.003+08:00

You may be anticipating a post about my weekend away from the jungle.

Sorry to say, that post will have to be a little later on.

I know not everyone feels comfortable with sharing their opinions and thoughts out loud. And I know that I, quite frankly, don't mind being honest. Maybe it's a horrible habit, maybe it makes you think I'm somewhat rude. And no, I don't even mean that sarcastically.

Anyway, the point of this post isn't that. I just wanted to share something. Minus the judging.

I was sleeping over at a friend's house over the weekend. My housemates know I'm a light sleeper - any sound at night will wake me up, unless I'm extremely exhausted. Well.

I woke up at four this morning, and I realized I was trying to cut myself. With my nails.

My nails aren't very long, but they're long enough. Long and sharp.

I panicked, of course. I wondered if my sub-conscious mind was playing tricks on me. So I turned to my other side and went back to sleep.

It wasn't until I got up to bath before church when I realized that there was a mark on my left wrist. A cut mark, roughly the size of my fifth finger's nail.

The very nail I was using while I attempted to cut myself.

I can't fathom what was going on inside my mind. I only know that I freaked myself out enough to make me lose my appetite the entire day. I went to church, prayed about it, and actually managed to completely forget about it. Until I got back to KTT, and I was taking a shower.

You know the feeling when water touches a fresh wound, don't you?

I'm studying the wound properly as I type. And I realized I actually managed to puncture a little hole at the top of the cut. I don't dare to poke it.

So there you have it. Most memorable part of my weekend = me trying to cut myself.

corine

updates

2011-09-30T16:50:00.004+08:00

So today the pre A2 trials just ended. Has been one hell of a week. I don't think I was this upset during my AS, which should tell you just how horrible its been.

I think I flunked every single paper. And considering how I don't have a back-up subject, it means I'm pretty much dead. So much for smart studying.

Anyway. I have the weekend off, because the next three weeks will be hell. I'm going to eat my books, my past years and my application booklets. Hopefully. The thought of going into the exam hall feeling as helpless as I did this week is not settling well with me. So. Saturday and Sunday of fun, and three weeks of hell.

Paddy says we might not be able to go to Sunway ): It makes me feel quite sad, but oh well. Good food and good company will be better than a weekend of moping and misery without the boyfriend in KTT.

I'm going to start reading Physics after this. Cause believe it or not, I actually feel guilty that I haven't studied.

Shouldn't we hold out for the person that doesn't just tolerate our little quirks,
but actually kind of likes them too?

Yes. Hold out. Don't sell out.

corine

The Perks of Being A Wallflower

2011-09-27T21:19:00.003+08:00

A poem written by Stephen Chbosky in his book, The Perks of Being A Wallflower.

For some strange reason, I'm drawn to it. I like it. A lot.

Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Chops”
because that was the name of his dog
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
Valentine signed with a row of X’s
and he had to ask his father what the X’s meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it
Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Autumn”
because that was the name of the season
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it
Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Innocence: A Question”
because that was the question about his girl
And that’s what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strangely steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle’s Creed went
And he caught his sister
making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly
That’s why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it “Absolutely Nothing”
Because that’s what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn’t think
he could reach the kitchen

A good friend of mine is taking Literature for A Levels. I envy her so much. So very much.

I wish I could be her right now.

corine

the twin sister

2011-09-26T20:59:00.002+08:00

It's just amazing having her on this side of Malaysia with me. I get to see her more often, and we get to hang and everything.

It's bad timing, in a sense that A2 is so close, but I'm still going to enjoy myself. As much as I can.

Still studying anyway, though the Chem paper just now made me want to cry.

Ah well. I shall do better for A2. I will work my ass off this week. And then enjoy my weekend with Tia and Paddy (:

corine

pas heureux

2011-09-22T16:11:00.002+08:00

I had two bars of chocolate for lunch today, a Kit-Kat and Rise Crispy. After class, I finished the Kit Kat before collapsing in my bed for another two hours. I woke up very disoriented and I gobbled up the other chocolate bar in one go.

Chocolate has no effect on me anymore. It used to make me happy. And now, I feel nothing. Ugh.

Watched Glee, and it was disappointing. Well. Blaine's parts were great, and I think the songs were quite okay. Just the acting in general, I guess, that disappointed me. And the direction of where I feel things are going.

That Sugar kid is annoying. No chemistry at all with the rest of the cast, better kick her out.

At any rate, I'm becoming some sort of drug dealer for Glee episodes. Haha.

I'm tired. I feel something is missing, just that. I don't know what it is. There's that feeling of resentment and uncertainty lodged inside my brain somehow, and it's not settling inside me properly. On top of that, this everlasting fever is making me feel cranky all the time. I want antibiotics right now, I can't stand another day where I'm freezing to death just because the ceiling fan is on at top speed ):

corine

glee season 3

2011-09-21T16:55:00.000+08:00

This week is like the comeback week of all my favourite TV shows. We had How I Met Your Mother, season 7 earlier this week, and Glee season 3 last night (Note, these are US times, not Malaysian show times) and tomorrow (or Friday for us) it'll be the 5th season of The Big Bang Theory.

So excited, especially for TBBT, simply because the last episode was a cliffhanger, and I hear this season will be the best one yet.

I downloaded Glee's first episode, and am super excited for it cause I see BLAINE in McKinley High and Quinn sporting a cropped pink haircut. I told Esther to not let me watch until I get my work done though, and I'm half-way done. Sped through it because I can't wait.

So I just finished three hours of class =.= Not ideal. And Tia just checked in at Nottingham. Apart from that, life has become incredibly dull and painful. Studying is making me feel physically and mentally sick. All I'm doing is eating my sorrows away.

I need to get out after Pre-A2 and fritter my money away.

And now back to Chemistry.

ryu

harder than it looks

2011-09-19T00:41:00.005+08:00

Luckily, I have God. And you.

corine

starbucks

2011-09-16T00:08:00.002+08:00

The boyfriend surprised me when he suddenly told me we would be going out on Thursday. I was prepared to turn him down because I still need to cram as much Physics into my head as possible, but something made me say yes anyway.

So I went out today.

No shopping, boohoo. Just the usual movie and dinner. And bowling. Which I still suck at ): But it was quite fun. At any rate, it put me out of my initial bad mood. It was actually quite sweet. I like these kind of dates just because I get to learn so much more about him.

Yes, I suppose this will be one of those posts. The ones that seem like nonsense and gibberish to other people. And to that I say. You don't have to read then (:

Anyway. What I like about these typical dates is that I don't feel like I have to do much. I can be completely myself, because no one except the boyfriend can see how dumb I act. While waiting for our ride back, we sat in the shadows, singing along to TVXQ's Hug. Out loud.

I wouldn't normally do that.

I punch and slap him. I kick him whenever I get pissed. And he takes it all with good humour (:

He remembers the lamest things from my blog. He knows my favourite TVXQ member. He knows I like cardigans, Starbucks and Jodi Picoult. He takes pleasure in helping me cross things out on my wishlist. He memorizes my link (but then again, plenty of people do, lol).

Actually. What impresses me the most is the fact that he actually reads my blog (:

I don't know. Ever since I read Tia's post about Jon leaving, I kind of felt the need to make every moment count. Not just for relationships. For everything else. Studying. Playing. I don't know. In general, I feel like making them all worth remembering. Because who knows. Next year I might not come back for KI. I might not meet anyone anymore. I might just end up rotting at home.

So. I might as well make the most of it.

Then at least. I won't regret coming, right?

Hmm. The fever and flu which invaded my body since Monday has finally abated. Who knew. Good company and a full 8 hours of sleep could make such a difference.

Time to study. Woosh. I'm actually beginning to enjoy this torturous activity. And again, that's thanks to you.

corine

the best friend

2011-09-11T21:11:00.003+08:00

When I was 17, I had a best friend. An amazing best friend, who understood me very well. Too well, maybe. We used to text each other non-stop all the time, and I'd tell her everything about my life. She'd turn to me first for advice, and I'd call her first the moment I felt like crying.

Sometimes, even before she called, I would know she was having a problem. I'd sort of sense her despair and then I'd call before she did. Because it's what friends do. You lend a helping hand when they need it. She'd always wonder how I knew, and honestly, I don't know myself. Maybe it's a gift, maybe I'm just a freak. But in time, she started doing the same for me.

We saw each other every day, and yet we still texted and called each other every night. In the one year where we were super close, I felt most like the person I wanted to be. I felt like everything was in its correct position. It was then that I realized, the kind of love that I'd value the most is the kind where it's given unconditionally, given not because you have to. But because you want to.

She never judged me. Never said anything to hurt me intentionally. When she did try to correct me, she did it in such a way that I'd never feel offended. And when I tried to share my ideas and opinions with her, she never shut me out, or got upset. She listened. And. More importantly, she didn't just brush it off.

I don't know, I guess. I just miss her a lot these days. Whenever I needed to rant, I'd normally look for her first. Just because she was the only person I didn't feel like I was burdening. She understood. And she wasn't forced to accept me. She accepted me because she wanted to.

I'll be honest. Growing up has done me good.

But I wish that while I had been growing up, she was with me. The whole way. It'd be nice to know someone was on my side. It'd be nice to see the familiar numbers displayed on my phone as she called me up, with her familiar "What chu talking about, huh?"

I know you've long since stopped reading my blog, but I hope. Regardless of whether you read this or not. You know I still love you. And I miss you tremendously.

And also. This is the first personal blogpost that I have successfully posted over the last three months. Just because I know she won't judge me. And just because I miss her a lot.

corine

draw me close to you

2011-09-11T11:03:00.003+08:00

Draw me close to You

Never let me go

I lay it all down again

To hear You say that I'm Your friend

You are my desire

No one else will do

Cause nothing else could take Your place

To feel the warmth of Your embrace

Help me find the way

Bring me back to You

You're all I want

You're all I ever needed

You're all I want

Help me know You are near

One of my favourite worship songs. I remember singing this during the first time I attended Lifeteen Camp, the camp that changed me completely. I think this was the song we sang during the healing session.

I need Him in my life always. I can't do anything without Him. No matter what happens, I put my faith in You, and I believe in Your plans for me. There is definitely no one who knows or understands me better than You.

I'm giving it all to You.

corine

revival

2011-09-08T17:01:00.002+08:00

So as many of you may know. My house has had no water for the past three days, making me a very grumpy person. I hate going over to Andrea's house to bath, simply because I feel like I'm disturbing them.

Anyway. It's made me very moody over the past few days. Evan and Esther can vouch for that.

A few minutes ago, while me and Evan were studying, I heard the trickle of water. Now, I had purposely left the sink tap on so that I'd know when the water came back. So I looked up and no, nothing. False alarm. Pfft.

But then. Another few minutes went by, and I heard water trickling again. This time, I didn't look up immediately but Evan suddenly said, "Corine, can you hear that?"

Rejoice. My water came back! I ran over to the sink and yes, true enough, water was FINALLY coming out of the pipe. I could've wept tears of joy, if not for the fact that the smell of the rust in the water really got to me.

Anyway. HALLELUJAH. Now I can finally go back to drinking coffee and studying late, cause my bladder problems can be fixed. Whew. Though I must ask. Why is it ALWAYS my apartment with no water? The last time this happened, we had no water for FIVE DAYS. FIVE DAYS I TELL YOU. Haih.

Can't wait to get my laundry done. My checkered shirts are still unwashed ):

ryu

note to self

2011-09-06T17:11:00.002+08:00

Go online less often

Start studying like a maniac

Eat vitamins more regularly

Give sleep up for the next three months

Ignore temptation to go tumbling

Stop visiting Twitter so often

Ignore Facebook for as long as humanly possible

Make coffee the new best friend

Try not to get sick (again)

No more Youtube videos for a while

Kill the KTT admins who forgot to pay the water bill again

I can't say no blogger. My life would be incomplete without my little rant buddy.

corine

a doctor who's afraid of wounds

2011-09-04T23:08:00.002+08:00

Novelty. How am I ever going to deal with being a houseman if the sight of kids having needles stuck in them makes me weak?

I hate going to hospitals. Even if it's just to visit people. Even if I'm there for a happy event (like giving birth. I can't stand the vibe. Can't stand the way everyone seems to be dying slowly, with no will to live anymore. I hate seeing the wounds, hate seeing stitches, hate seeing the rows and rows of medicine bottles. I cannot stand to hear the kids crying, the monitors beeping, the patients whispering as though talking is not allowed.

And I hate the constant disinfectant smell that accompanies everything. It smells like dead bodies. Ugh. No offence.

I'm going to make a really horrible doctor. That is. If I manage to make it to India even.

Holiday ends today boohoo. I'm just a messy ball of emotions waiting to explode.

corine

hi

2011-09-01T15:51:00.003+08:00

I'm stuck.

I've been staring at my laptop screen,

waiting for a push

So that I'll find my tongue.

But it's still not happening.

Writer's block. One of the worse. One of the most painful ones.

I have no idea whether I want to blame myself. A2. Or my mood-swings.

Essentially. It's probably just me.

I don't know. I can't even blog. It sucks.

I suck.

I hate this.

This post is so disjointed, so unorganized, so all over the place that I find it hard to decipher what I'm trying to tell myself.

corine

home, with love

2011-08-31T11:09:00.002+08:00

One of the many delights of coming home is spending time with my sisters. It sounds quite sad when I put it that way, as though I'm anti-social. But oh well.

I like spending hours around the dining table, talking with them about everything and anything under the sun. I like how we all gather in one room at the end of the day and just start spewing nonsense. I like how they're still a big part of my life. No matter how long I've been gone, I come back and it's almost as though I've never left.

Skyped with Yong Kee for a while yesterday, and all my sisters went crazy. Well, just Tia, because she saw him, and she started shrieking. And because of that, she's now anxious to meet him when she comes down to KTT next week.

Oh yeah, heads up, my twin sister is dropping by next week just to meet everyone I've talked about. Which means. Yes, even you Esther :P

Pretty hyped up even though she'll probably be there for five minutes only =.= With her boyfriend but still.

Am packing for a short trip back to see my grandparents. Hopefully I won't have to deal with annoying aunts/uncles/cousins asking me when I deport to India. Tsk. Tia is packing a bunch of movies so I don't die of boredom when they start drinking. Ugh.

I feel a bit. Lost.

And though I wish I could abuse my blog. I can't.

ryu

from kk, with boredom

2011-08-29T11:20:00.002+08:00

My weekend (including Friday) was pretty good, but because certain, uh, things happened, I haven't been in the mood to blog.

Technically, I'm not even blogging today. Just wanted to show something I'm currently hankering after. Since my obsession with Michelle Phan on Youtube, I've been getting into make-up a lot. Not that I apply it to my face per se, it's more like an itch to put it on other people's faces. Sigh. Anyway. I keep hearing about the Urban Decay Naked Eyeshadow Palette, and I want to find it so badly ):

Sadly, I don't think we have an Urban Decay in Malaysia. Kind of sucks. I went to a site just now to see if I could order it but the price made me want to cry, haih. That's without the shipping fee some more. I guess I'll just have to wait until I've saved more money up.

Updates from KK; Went out with Tia and Jon yesterday, and am going out for lunch with the kids later. And dinner with some friends. Hah.

Am tired.

corine

on retiring

2011-08-25T21:23:00.003+08:00

To be honest, I didn't feel like posting this up. I don't know, my mood swing kicked in quite early today, and I didn't know how to handle it. But as I did for the 2010/2011 CF Committee, I will now do one for the 2011/2012 CF Committee.

So yes, we had our CF Election yesterday, and I have mixed feelings. Not going to lie, some of the results were surprising as was last years, but I believe that it's God's will, and so, I trust in Him, and I believe the new committee will do their very best.

Instead of posting up the new committee here, I want you guys to go on down to the KTT CF Blog to check it out, just so that people are more aware of our blog (:

I started typing out an appreciation post for each and every committee member of my batch. But I couldn't complete it. All 11 of you have taught me so many things, and there really is too much to be said. Perhaps some things are better left unsaid.

And so. Thank you, CF Committee of 2010/2011. For the fun times, the good times, the rough times... everything.

EDIT

And so, thanks to my dear twin sister, now another sister has found my tumblr. Won't be long before the world finds it, and thus ends my privacy on yet another blog server. No more ranting in Blogger, no more ranting in Tumblr, so where do I go? Tsk tsk.

Followed me some more. Thanks a lot Kikir.

And. Because of Yop, Don't Say Goodbye by CNBlue has been on repeat for the last five hours. TSK.

corine

porridge

2011-08-23T21:31:00.003+08:00

So I went to bed today after all my classes finished, around 12 in the afternoon, and I didn't get up till about 4. Called the boyfriend, and then I dragged myself outside to eat and drink something before going back to bed.

Woke up again after seven, and the boyfriend decided to cook me porridge. And as the roommate pointed out, he did so despite the fact that he had his CCES meeting to attend.

I feel so ridiculously pleased and loved, even though I'm pretty sure there was Marmite inside the porridge. Thank you ♥

corine

oh for the weekends

2011-08-22T12:50:00.003+08:00

Oh for the weekends indeed.

I think the past weekend has to be one of the more packed weekends I've had in a while. To recap.

FRIDAY

After my disastrous Physics paper, the housemates and myself travelled down to 1U via the most painful way - public transport. Now. Anyone who's been in KL long enough knows there is no actual public transport that gets you directly to 1U. For anyone interested, you need to take the KTM or ERL to KL Sentral, board the LRT to the last station (that's Kelana Jaya) and then either

a. Take rapidKL to 1U

b. Take the shuttle bus to 1U

c. Take a taxi.

A taxi will cost you roughly RM8 to RM10. I don't know about rapidKL cause Esther wouldn't believe we could take rapidKL from the LRT until we saw one pull up outside 1U. But the shuttle bus is, apparently, free. So there you have it. Oh, and if you plan to wait for the shuttle bus, heads up - you'll have to wait for a bit. In the heat.

So yes, we got to 1U after two hours and I shopped. Not much, which is surprising, but oh well. I getting more and more into make-up instead of clothes, so I suppose that accounts for the lack of clothes bought. Had dinner at TGIF, then the horrendous trip back where the taxi driver almost rammed into a pillar.

Technically, it's not a pillar, but I don't know what to call it, so :S

SATURDAY

Most tiring day, in my opinion. Got up at seven to prepare for the mission trip to Grace Home for Destitute Women. Took 'flu pills before I got in the bus, and I slept soundly the entire way to the home. Oh yes, for those interested, this was the day I wore my now infamous couple shirt =.=

So we got there close to 11, got a short tour and then we begun the Praise and Worship session. And I cried when the ladies sang Give Thanks, because I couldn't help but notice. Not all of them were perfect, physically. They were sick, some were handicapped, some could barely speak. They were sent to the home because they were homeless; some, because their children didn't want them anymore. In such a situation, they could still sing and give thanks. It was amazing. And heart-wrenching at the same time.

The worse part about the entire day was the fact that, as a non-Chinese speaking person, I had a language barrier. It was painful for me to sit and try to decipher what they were saying, especially as they all spoke softly too. I managed to talk with one or two of them, and I finally gave up.

I think it would have been better if I didn't look like a Chinese. Then they'd stop talking to me in Chinese, ugh.

We cleaned the house, served cake, and then we went back. Just about everyone dozed off on the bus, me included, and when we got back, we were all starving. And so. The housemates and I joined I-Vonne and a few others to get a bite to eat at INTI.

Came back exhausted, took a shower and slept soundly.

SUNDAY

I suppose Sunday's schedule might have been less packed if I had agreed to not go to Midvalley, but the shopaholic in me reigns. After church, where a patient of my mother actually came to greet me, Jun Yi came to Nilai to accompany Ged and us to Midvalley. KTM ride was pretty good, cause I got a seat, but some annoying woman who kept sleeping on my shoulder sat beside me, and I had to keep straightening so she wouldn't fall.

Huh.

Got to Midvalley, and I left the rest of them and went shopping for... my sisters. How sad. I didn't buy much, again (what is wrong with me) but I was sorely tempted by the cardigan in MNG. It was in PEACH, and there was a SALE. I half-regretted buying the white cardigan, but looking at it now, I'm glad I did. It's so pretty XD

Was also tempted to buy yet another pair of ballet flats, but luckily (or unluckily) the white coloured ones were too cream-ish and I wanted a proper white pair. So no.

Blemish balm creams or bb creams are my latest obsession, I wish they didn't cost so much T.T Can't wait to work and make my own money so I can buy whatever I want.

We left Midvalley at 4 but the stupid KTM was delayed until 4:40. Literally died, because it was so cramped. I wanted to cry. Ugh, the smell. Then the taxi only came at 6. Which was the supposed time for the CF Committee members to leave for Sepang Gold Coast. So yes. I was late for that. Didn't get to shower. Haih.

The beach was NICE. I loved it. Not the mosquito part, just the part when we wadded out into the sea. We talked until dinner, and then we had steamboat. Good times, I suppose. I like eating. At any rate. Then we wrapped up what would be our last committee meeting, and then. Went home.

I have so much to say about the last committee meeting, but I guess I should save it for a separate post. Jing, you should have been there with us ):

Tiring weekend, but it didn't matter. I enjoyed it.

I'm worship-leading this week with Esther, not bad eh? I didn't think I'd ever volunteer for it willingly, but God works in mysterious ways. Do pray for me, I'm still a bit nervous about it.

Oh, and for those of you who have happened to like a certain album on Facebook. Well. HMPH.

corine

saesang fans

2011-08-21T00:45:00.003+08:00

Was going to blog about our trip to Grace Home, but I went online and saw these silly little fangirls judging JYJ and it pissed me off.

Girl, you didn't even know TVXQ last year, so you better shut up, or I'll slam your account with a million hate mails. Ugh, makes my blood boil. I'm Yunho biased and I can STILL tell JYJ aren't liars. Huh.

Unless you followed TVXQ as FIVE, from their Hug days, to their final Stand by U performance, unless you took the time to appreciate their a capellas, watch all their dramas, watch the variety shows they've been on, then you better stop saying TVXQ is better off as 2. That's not TVXQ, that's just HoMin. You disgrace the name of Cassiopeias all over. Ugh.

And don't tell people to stop keeping the faith. AKTF is not a stupid propaganda, and if you don't support it, respect others enough to NOT BASH. Really? Is bashing someone else from your fandom the most mature thing to do?

Ish.

corine.

back by popular demand

2011-08-18T00:58:00.003+08:00

I still haven't quite completed the coding for my next layout, but. Because people are actually reading the nonsense I come up with, I decided to open my blog to the public again.

Not much time to update and re-do this blog, but after mid-sem, I'll try. Or at least, I'll keep my blog more updated with interesting entries.

Good night people. Enjoy studying for the mid-sem.

corine

when i get very upset or pissed

2011-08-14T19:51:00.002+08:00

And I don't say anything to anyone.

I take it out on myself.

I'd rather abuse myself, because I feel like in a way, I'm getting my own revenge by making myself suffer.

And by abuse, I don't mean, physically abuse myself.

Not all scars can be seen by the naked eye.

corine

Thank You

2011-08-11T15:58:00.003+08:00

I owe it all to him. By His grace, this lazy bum managed to score all As. And though my marks aren't pretty, I don't really mind, because I don't deserve any of this at all.

I didn't do my past years over and over, I only did it once. I didn't remember every single thing I should have, didn't read the textbooks a million times over, didn't even spend as much time studying as everyone else did. That's why I owe it all to Him. By His grace, I managed to attain straight As.

And for once, Physics didn't kill me. Paper 2 killed me so badly, I cried at the end of it, and yet of all my marks, Physics was the highest. Surprising. It's a miracle. But then again, God works in mysterious ways, and He has never failed to help me through.

Here's the thing. Anyone who knows me knows fully well what a lazy ass I am. They will tell you that during classes, I sleep or play games, and I only study when I feel like it (which means almost never) and so. Of everyone else, I feel the most unworthy of my results. It made me remember how I felt when I found out I got JPA one year ago.

So yes, God is so, so good. You can't even begin to imagine what He has planned for you. You can only do your best and just leave the rest to God. He will work wonders in your life if you just believe in Him.

Am even more hyped up to do better for A2 now, is that weird?

As a side-note, congratulations to my housemates and neighbours on their IELTS results as well. I hear people getting 8 and 8.5 all around me. Double joy, doubly blessed.

And you. 7.5 or 6.5, it wouldn't have made a difference to me. You tried your best, you prepared for rain, and God blessed your efforts (: I'm so proud of you.

corine

nice people finish last

2011-08-10T09:44:00.000+08:00

And yeah, more often than not, get hurt. Sad huh?

I'm not comfortable with open declarations of love

2011-08-05T02:58:00.002+08:00

And I'm more at ease with insulting and sarcasm publicly.

But some days, I get extra sappy and mellow.

So yeah. My boyfriend is my best friend, and as pathetic as it sounds, I wouldn't have it any other way.

And even though most days he comes off as annoying, lame and pretty darn stupid, I honestly wouldn't trade those traits of his for anything else. Yes I complain, and yes I feel smothered whenever I think of how studious/over-protective/controlling he is. But I appreciate all of it. I may hate it, but it doesn't mean I don't understand he means well.

Also, because I know I'm difficult to deal with on a daily basis, I honestly admire his patience. You think it's a disadvantage that we're so different, but I think it's a blessing. If we both just kept blowing up at each other all the time, this relationship would have died a long time ago. You see.

I don't care that you're not into fashion. That you don't understand my obsession with KPop. That you have no idea how annoying it is when you use my cardigans because I risk stretching the material. That you don't speak English as well as a certain Band 9 miracle. Because you try. And you don't give up.

And you know, better than I do, about how important that is, don't you?

I know I'm changing, not as fast as I'd like, and maybe not for good in certain ways, but I'm trying too. I seem to not care, but I do. I want you to know that. Thank you a million, billion times for believing in me.

All my love.

corine.

on seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful april morning

2011-08-02T17:39:00.004+08:00

One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo’s fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl.
Tell you the truth, she’s not that good-looking. She doesn’t stand out in any way. Her clothes are nothing special. The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep. She isn’t young, either - must be near thirty, not even close to a “girl,” properly speaking. But still, I know from fifty yards away: She’s the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there’s a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.
Maybe you have your own particular favorite type of girl - one with slim ankles, say, or big eyes, or graceful fingers, or you’re drawn for no good reason to girls who take their time with every meal. I have my own preferences, of course. Sometimes in a restaurant I’ll catch myself staring at the girl at the next table to mine because I like the shape of her nose.
But no one can insist that his 100% perfect girl correspond to some preconceived type. Much as I like noses, I can’t recall the shape of hers - or even if she had one. All I can remember for sure is that she was no great beauty. It’s weird.
“Yesterday on the street I passed the 100% girl,” I tell someone.
“Yeah?” he says. “Good-looking?”
“Not really.”
“Your favorite type, then?”
“I don’t know. I can’t seem to remember anything about her - the shape of her eyes or the size of her breasts.”
“Strange.”
“Yeah. Strange.”
“So anyhow,” he says, already bored, “what did you do? Talk to her? Follow her?”
“Nah. Just passed her on the street.”
She’s walking east to west, and I west to east. It’s a really nice April morning.
Wish I could talk to her. Half an hour would be plenty: just ask her about herself, tell her about myself, and - what I’d really like to do - explain to her the complexities of fate that have led to our passing each other on a side street in Harajuku on a beautiful April morning in 1981. This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique clock build when peace filled the world.
After talking, we’d have lunch somewhere, maybe see a Woody Allen movie, stop by a hotel bar for cocktails. With any kind of luck, we might end up in bed.
Potentiality knocks on the door of my heart.
Now the distance between us has narrowed to fifteen yards.
How can I approach her? What should I say?
“Good morning, miss. Do you think you could spare half an hour for a little conversation?”
Ridiculous. I’d sound like an insurance salesman.
“Pardon me, but would you happen to know if there is an all-night cleaners in the neighborhood?”
No, this is just as ridiculous. I’m not carrying any laundry, for one thing. Who’s going to buy a line like that?
Maybe the simple truth would do. “Good morning. You are the 100% perfect girl for me.”
No, she wouldn’t believe it. Or even if she did, she might not want to talk to me. Sorry, she could say, I might be the 100% perfect girl for you, but you’re not the 100% boy for me. It could happen. And if I found myself in that situation, I’d probably go to pieces. I’d never recover from the shock. I’m thirty-two, and that’s what growing older is all about.
We pass in front of a flower shop. A small, warm air mass touches my skin. The asphalt is damp, and I catch the scent of roses. I can’t bring myself to speak to her. She wears a white sweater, and in her right hand she holds a crisp white envelope lacking only a stamp. So: She’s written somebody a letter, maybe spent the whole night writing, to judge from the sleepy look in her eyes. The envelope could contain every secret she’s ever had.
I take a few more strides and turn: She’s lost in the crowd.

Now, of course, I know exactly what I should have said to her. It would have been a long speech, though, far too long for me to have delivered it properly. The ideas I come up with are never very practical.
Oh, well. It would have started “Once upon a time” and ended “A sad story, don’t you think?”

Once upon a time, there lived a boy and a girl. The boy was eighteen and the girl sixteen. He was not unusually handsome, and she was not especially beautiful. They were just an ordinary lonely boy and an ordinary lonely girl, like all the others. But they believed with their whole hearts that somewhere in the world there lived the 100% perfect boy and the 100% perfect girl for them. Yes, they believed in a miracle. And that miracle actually happened.
One day the two came upon each other on the corner of a street.
“This is amazing,” he said. “I’ve been looking for you all my life. You may not believe this, but you’re the 100% perfect girl for me.”
“And you,” she said to him, “are the 100% perfect boy for me, exactly as I’d pictured you in every detail. It’s like a dream.”
They sat on a park bench, held hands, and told each other their stories hour after hour. They were not lonely anymore. They had found and been found by their 100% perfect other. What a wonderful thing it is to find and be found by your 100% perfect other. It’s a miracle, a cosmic miracle.
As they sat and talked, however, a tiny, tiny sliver of doubt took root in their hearts: Was it really all right for one’s dreams to come true so easily?
And so, when there came a momentary lull in their conversation, the boy said to the girl, “Let’s test ourselves - just once. If we really are each other’s 100% perfect lovers, then sometime, somewhere, we will meet again without fail. And when that happens, and we know that we are the 100% perfect ones, we’ll marry then and there. What do you think?”
“Yes,” she said, “that is exactly what we should do.”
And so they parted, she to the east, and he to the west.
The test they had agreed upon, however, was utterly unnecessary. They should never have undertaken it, because they really and truly were each other’s 100% perfect lovers, and it was a miracle that they had ever met. But it was impossible for them to know this, young as they were. The cold, indifferent waves of fate proceeded to toss them unmercifully.
One winter, both the boy and the girl came down with the season’s terrible inluenza, and after drifting for weeks between life and death they lost all memory of their earlier years. When they awoke, their heads were as empty as the young D. H. Lawrence’s piggy bank.
They were two bright, determined young people, however, and through their unremitting efforts they were able to acquire once again the knowledge and feeling that qualified them to return as full-fledged members of society. Heaven be praised, they became truly upstanding citizens who knew how to transfer from one subway line to another, who were fully capable of sending a special-delivery letter at the post office. Indeed, they even experienced love again, sometimes as much as 75% or even 85% love.
Time passed with shocking swiftness, and soon the boy was thirty-two, the girl thirty.
One beautiful April morning, in search of a cup of coffee to start the day, the boy was walking from west to east, while the girl, intending to send a special-delivery letter, was walking from east to west, but along the same narrow street in the Harajuku neighborhood of Tokyo. They passed each other in the very center of the street. The faintest gleam of their lost memories glimmered for the briefest moment in their hearts. Each felt a rumbling in their chest. And they knew:
She is the 100% perfect girl for me.
He is the 100% perfect boy for me.
But the glow of their memories was far too weak, and their thoughts no longer had the clarity of fouteen years earlier. Without a word, they passed each other, disappearing into the crowd. Forever.
A sad story, don’t you think?

Yes, that’s it, that is what I should have said to her.

I'm a huge fan of Murakami's works. Maybe the real attraction is the way he effortlessly keeps me intrigued with the most mundane things like eating a burger, or mowing lawns. Or the way he writes such nonsense. The way I see it, his works are special.

And yes, while it's not really his works I'm reading per se, as it's just a translated version of his original Japanese stories, I do feel that he's still amazing. Why else would people all over the world translate his work, if not because of that?

This is a short story from the first ever Murakami book I read. Of all his books, The Elephant Vanishes is my favourite, possibly because it was what made me fall in love with his writing style. I wish I brought the copy me and Tia shared to KTT, because it's less taxing to read compared to The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles, and I feel like reading his works now. NOW.

Oh and btw, I'm aware that the English of the story is weird and not everything is grammatically correct. The one problem I have with translations is that they have poor English, and while it adds to the eccentricity of the book as a whole, it doesn't bode well for improving my language. But still.

Other interesting short stories in this book includes:

The Last Lawn of the Afternoon

Barn Burning

The Second Bakery Attack

Other notable short stories that were packed into his second compilation, Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman includes;

Man-Eating Cats

The Kidney Shaped Stone That Moved Everyday

There's more but because I haven't read this book for a while, I can't really remember their titles anymore. Hmm.

Someday I'm going to write again.

corine

on long distance relationships, being ugly and having no internet for two weeks

2011-08-01T01:22:00.000+08:00

Let's go backwards from my title, shall we? (:

No internet for two weeks

This is my pathetic attempt to try and not fail my mid-semester papers. If I could tear myself away from my laptop long enough to read my textbooks, I'd be doing so much better. The fact remains that my biggest distraction, apart from my constant need to eat, is the internet.

Cruel thing. Why am I so dependent on you to make me happy? T.T Why do I automatically reach for you when I need to vent, listen to music, or need to kill boredom? Why can't I try cracking open my Physics book? HMM.

It's not totally without internet. Possibly half an hour a day, AFTER I finish my tasks, just to check Youtube for new videos and to see what the current trends in US are for this summer. Oh, and to see if any of my e-mails are replied. That'll be about it.

Be warned. I shall probably become extremely irritable and agitated after more than 18 hours of not touching my laptop.

Being ugly

I have found my anthem song. Lol, no, I'm just joking. But I have to say, 2NE1 has a knack for belting out songs that are not only catchy but also have actual meaning. The chorus of this song kicked me hard in my gut when I heard it. Go ahead and Youtube it, 2NE1 - Ugly. Listen to the chorus (it's the only part of the entire song which is sung entirely in English) It bites.

On LDR (long distance relationships)

I have never thought of myself as the type who could possible maintain long distance relationships. And I don't even mean just the BGR type. Even with friends. I can't keep in contact long enough with anyone to make myself comfortable enough to blab nonsense to them.

It's not that I don't want to, I'm just not the type who can commit easily. I'm. Lazy.

Imagine how surprised I was when today, I realized I had been in a LDR for almost 5 years now. 5 years. Isn't it amazing? A good friend of mine, who I haven't ever met, is still one of the people who know almost everything there is to know about me, and vice versa. It's amazing how much we know about each other, and how in tune we often are. I didn't even know I was in one, until I told her that the distance in our relationship had only served to make our friendship stronger.

For the record, I think LDR's are generally the kind of relationships that don't end very well, but. Seeing people maintain theirs so furiously and passionately, I kind of think I might be able to handle it. Might. We'll see. In any case. For you I will.

All classes are shortened to only 45 minutes per period. I like. Now I have more time to ~~sleep~~ study.

I'll be back after my midsem. Or perhaps after AS results come out.

corine

the road not taken

2011-07-30T21:50:00.003+08:00

I have a feeling the road I've chosen is not going to be easy. I've known that all along.

But I never expected it to be this hard.

I don't know if I'm going to regret this someday. I don't know if I should have just taken the easier path. I feel scared just thinking about the future and what it holds. Sometimes, I wish I could just go back to the past and change it all.

But I can't. As I've always said, you can't take back a word that's already been said, you can't undo an action you just did and you can't change the past. No matter how hard you try. You. Just. Can't.

The thing is. If I had a chance to do it all again, having known the consequences and what I would have to go up against, I know I would do it all again, the exact way I did it before. I wouldn't change a thing because if I did, I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't even be who I am now.

I know, it seems like I'm talking about the whole I-didn't-want-to-be-a-doctor thing to my regular readers, but it's not. Surprise surprise.

In fact, I wouldn't even be blogging because - believe it or not - I'm actually in my nerd-up mood now. But something happened which threw me off focus for a bit because it was very upsetting. I'm better now, but I still needed to rant.

God, give me strength to carry this burden. I can't do it alone, and I'm afraid I might just have to do so. No matter what, if Your will dictates that I have to do this, then I will, but please, don't let me go through it alone.

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed,
a stronghold in times of trouble
Psalm 9:9-10

Be strong and of good courage,
do not fear nor be afraid of them;
for the Lord your God, He is the one who goes with you.
He will not leave you, nor forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6

I'm scared.

corine

of pencil liners

2011-07-29T20:42:00.002+08:00

I'm going to sound really materialistic now but oh well.

My eyeliner is missing. I just bought it and it went missing. I hate losing things. Especially if I use my own money to buy them.

End of rant. And now for the good things.

Yesterday was ICS Night. I thought it went pretty well (: As in, the whole event was a lot more organized and interesting compared to last year's one. No draggy dramas. No lack-luster dancing. And I wore a saree for the first time (: Red, slightly orange in colour and it even came with the bangles.

So the breakdown. I thought the dance Shana was in was well done. ALU 4 was entertaining. CCES used a TVXQ song so kudos for that. Evonne and Hui Ling did a ballet number. CF did the choir/showchoir performance. And the Bhangra was nice. From what I heard. Because I missed it ):

Anyway. CF did a good job, I think. For just a week or so of practice, we did fine. I was one of the seniors who joined, and as tiring as it was, I had fun. Never thought I'd join dancing and stuff, but oh well. KTT makes you try all sorts of things.

I know. Pictures are a must. But I'm too lazy to go take pictures and post it up so. Go on down to Facebook and take a look.

Since IELTS ended I've stopped making interesting posts :O How sad.

ryu

less than perfect

2011-07-27T01:08:00.002+08:00

I know I should be sleeping, or reading up on more Biology but I got super hungry so I had Maggi. Not the best thing to do, but there's nothing solid in this house to eat anymore ):

Everyone else went to bed an hour ago, leaving me to deal with my hunger alone.

Am tempted to blog about CF and our practice for the performance, but I think I'll leave that for after ICS. Hmm.

These days, I'm becoming more mellow. I wonder why (:

Off to study. Or maybe sleep. Whichever is more enticing. Oh and all the best to the second batch of IELTS students.

ryu